Author Topic: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??  (Read 3312 times)

Offline Princiepea

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I recently looked at joining a 'social networking' site- pertaining to gay women.

On creating my user rpofile I was asked to describe myself, if I wished, in one of the following categories...

Femme, Lipstick Lesbian, Soft Butch, Androgynous, and some others which I definitely didn't fit.

So- how do I know? May I say I have been out a number of years but always struggled with categories- some of my friends just call me 'homely'  :)

Offline Spider Mo

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #1 on: Jul 22, 2010, 02:54:32 AM »
I dont know anyone who ID's as a lipstick lesbian.

You can't really miss a femme though and I don't think its at all about the shade of her lipstick.

Offline Blythe

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #2 on: Jul 22, 2010, 08:19:22 AM »
Oh .. this is not a joke then? you know ...
what's the difference between a femme and a lipstick lesbian?
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Offline Jenny Talia

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #3 on: Jul 22, 2010, 08:49:30 AM »
Lipstick lesbian isn't actually a real label, it's some term that the media invented when they discovered there were lots of conventionally attractive lesbians out there.

I've never met a woman who ID's as a 'lipstick'.  I have however met a few bisexual women who ID as lipstick.
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Offline SteadyCat

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #4 on: Jul 22, 2010, 12:38:40 PM »
It depends on which country you're from. 

Where I'm from, lipstick lesbian always meant lesbians that wear makeup - and you don't even have to wear it all the time.  Just this past month I partied with a social networking group called "Lipstick lesbians."  More people called themselves this and the femme label was practically nonexistent.   They also don't (to my knowledge) use lipstick lesbian under such a strong banner as ID.
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Offline EZBooBee

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #5 on: Jul 22, 2010, 12:43:39 PM »
Yes Lipstick Lesbian seems to be the phase coined by the media in a pretty condescending manner in the UK, as if they aren't proper lesbians or something

Offline Night Nurse

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #6 on: Jul 22, 2010, 12:51:47 PM »
Yep - that's what I feel too.

In this country the 'lipstick lesbian' label appeared in tandem with 'lesbian chic' in the mid-90s, along with some sense of media amazement that lesbians could be stylish and feminine.

Personally, I identify as femme but not (except jokingly) as a lipstick lesbian because I associate that label with that particular media moment and not any actual lesbian identity that is meaningful to me.

Sometimes I wear lipstick, mostly I don't. I'm always a femme because it's not solely about what I wear, although my internal identity is expressed outwardly through my clothes. If that makes any sense.  :)
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Offline EZBooBee

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #7 on: Jul 22, 2010, 12:56:12 PM »
Its similar to how the media lambast Lindsay Lohan. I am not a fan of her by any means but it makes my blood boil when I read that she has "given up" on being a lesbian, it is all so patronising and symptomatic of the way society needs to belittle gay women

ooo I am feeling ranty today...

Offline Night Nurse

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #8 on: Jul 22, 2010, 01:15:04 PM »
Its similar to how the media lambast Lindsay Lohan. I am not a fan of her by any means but it makes my blood boil when I read that she has "given up" on being a lesbian, it is all so patronising and symptomatic of the way society needs to belittle gay women

ooo I am feeling ranty today...

 ;D

Oh, they make it up as they go along. Has anyone ever read Lindsay quoted describing herself as a lesbian, or any sexual-identity label? Because I don't think I have... The media just decided she was "a lesbian" because she was in a relationship with a woman, and now she's not she's obviously "turned her back on lesbianism".  ::) Very irritating, I agree.
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Offline Charlotte Mew

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #9 on: Jul 22, 2010, 01:23:35 PM »
I so agree about the media.  We continue to be treated as a joke or a watchword for ugly or something.

I have been very irritated when, in the nineties people would say to me 'oh so you're a lipstick lesbian then?' As if I was part of some new and amazing phenomenon.   I had frequently worn lipstick for years.   I was also irritated when I was working with some gay men in a sexual health promotion department of the health authority.  I didn't usually dress very femme to work, it was to do with cycling to get there I think, plus I was having a bit of a struggle with a mid-life crisis and not finding my own older femme style yet.    One time we had a party and I turned up looking femme with lipstick on.  One of the gay men I had been actually close to went round saying, very camply '[VV] with lipstick on.  Scarey!'   I was really taken aback to find out that he apparently projected some 'stereotyped lesbian image' onto me.  And with the 'scarey' comment his misogyny was showing.  I was annoyed and taken aback.

Offline EZBooBee

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #10 on: Jul 22, 2010, 01:25:52 PM »
Its similar to how the media lambast Lindsay Lohan. I am not a fan of her by any means but it makes my blood boil when I read that she has "given up" on being a lesbian, it is all so patronising and symptomatic of the way society needs to belittle gay women

ooo I am feeling ranty today...

 ;D

Oh, they make it up as they go along. Has anyone ever read Lindsay quoted describing herself as a lesbian, or any sexual-identity label? Because I don't think I have... The media just decided she was "a lesbian" because she was in a relationship with a woman, and now she's not she's obviously "turned her back on lesbianism".  ::) Very irritating, I agree.

 :D yep 'zactly! I really REALLY should stop reading the damn stupid Metro, Evening Standard etc, they are just FULL of vile cr@p. In a way, as much as I despise the Daily Male at least it doesn't veil its contempt for pretty much anyone who isn't white/male/middle class and I know just simply not to read it. Its these free publications which get thrown about that are actually really sneaky as they are just as awful but in a slightly craftier way!

lykopis

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #11 on: Jul 22, 2010, 01:26:52 PM »
I blame Beth Jordache.

Offline Sorted

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #12 on: Jul 22, 2010, 01:28:44 PM »
^ I loved her!

No the blame must be placed firmly at the door of Colin and Barry from Eastenders!

Wrong thread!  Blame the lipgloss for my inability to multitask today!
« Last Edit: Jul 22, 2010, 01:30:32 PM by Sorted »

Offline EZBooBee

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #13 on: Jul 22, 2010, 01:29:11 PM »
I blame Beth Jordache.

Generally speaking or for lesbians who wear lipstick?

lykopis

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Re: What's the difference between femme and lipstick lesbian??
« Reply #14 on: Jul 22, 2010, 01:31:56 PM »
Just for the term 'lipstick lesbian'.

And for not replying to my letters.