Author Topic: What are you feeling right now?  (Read 666623 times)

Offline Lust for Life

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28215 on: Jan 05, 2018, 09:37:25 AM »
Slanty, I agree wholeheartedly with your scumbag comment and I hope the same! I wish you success with your secret mission, too  :)

Valerie, I know picking 1 January as the first day of a new year is arbitrary, but this year I really feel the same. Let this year be heaps better than last year!

Offline Slantrhyme

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28216 on: Jan 05, 2018, 02:20:17 PM »
I hope they do LFL.

 I have reclaimed my old Perkins Brailer machine (Iíve decided to try and make peace with/reclaim it - Long held, deep trauma; being dumped in a class full of kids I didnít know on the first day of secondary school, and being forced to use this ugly, noisy, clattery, alien machine, and all the associated bullying and beatings there after) but one of the buttons is knackered. Iíve just looked at the RNIB website and it would cost me £700 to replace it. I might look at getting it repaired, although I doubt that will be cheap either. Having bad eyes is an expensive business.
 Iíve decided that I need to face up to some things that have hurt me over the years, and not just the Braille machine, but the whole business of being different, or at least having to do things a bit differently. Iím fed up of all the misery and resentment. I need to grow into my own skin, rather than shrinking into a little ball and hating myself.  Iím pretty sure I can never be one of these intolerably annoying people who embraces their blindness, how could I when it continually makes my life much more difficult than most other people? But I need to find  some peace within myself so I donít keep internalising everything and using it as fuel for the fire of self-loathing that keeps burning me up. I know it probably sounds daft, but itís been stoked for a long time, for as long as Iíve been able to compare myself with others, and them with me, and itís ruining my life.
 This week I ordered some sticky plastic label paper to make labels for my CDs, because whatís the point of having a bunch of CDs if you donít know what they are, right? Even that made me cringe. I got my girlfriend to help me, and I was right back in the classroom aged 11 again, wanting the floor to open up, but she thought it was cool. Thereís such a massive gap between how I feel and what other people think, and what I think they think, and itís ridiculous. I need to sort this shit out. Iím too big and old and strong and wise and clever to be feeling like that little beat up kid.     

   

Offline Lust for Life

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28217 on: Jan 06, 2018, 12:18:09 AM »
Wow, Slanty, amazing post!

Offline mint

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28218 on: Jan 07, 2018, 07:06:13 PM »
Good luck Slanty.

Offline Wolfgang

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28219 on: Jan 12, 2018, 02:20:58 AM »
Slanty x

My WAYFRN:  Myeuhhh

Offline Artist

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28220 on: Jan 12, 2018, 12:43:20 PM »
Good luck Slanty x
You are enough.

Feeling a bit irritated and irritated with myself for allowing to feel irritated.  ;D
ďExpectations are resentments under construction.Ē
― Anne Lamott

Offline Marty.

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28221 on: Jan 12, 2018, 06:15:15 PM »
Tipsy.  8)

Offline Slantrhyme

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28222 on: Jan 13, 2018, 11:34:34 AM »
Thanks all x
Itís a work in progress.

Offline Oso

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28223 on: Jan 16, 2018, 12:44:01 AM »
A little sad. Iíve been clearing my mumís belongings out of the family home for the last few days. Iím not usually the nostalgic type but all of them memories have left me a bit  :'(

Offline Lust for Life

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28224 on: Jan 16, 2018, 10:05:09 AM »
((Oso)) would it help in the long run to take photos of stuff you can't keep? And actually make an album of them? Won't stop the intensity of now, but might help to get over the intense feelings quicker, knowing that you can get all the associations back whenever you want....

Offline Oso

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28225 on: Jan 16, 2018, 11:58:55 PM »
^ Thank you LFL. Thatís actually a really good idea. Iíve decided that stuff is just stuff & love & memories live on regardless. A house is just bricks & mortar  :)

Offline Betty Croker's frosted buns

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28226 on: Jan 22, 2018, 01:30:09 PM »
I'm feeling ashamed because my window cleaner, who incidentally looks and sounds like Danny Dyer, started banging on my door protesting that I needed to let him in to do the insides because there was "no "facking point" doing the outsides while the insides were as bad as that.

I wouldn't mind as if you did a league table averaging over the decades  for inside window cleaning I would probably be launguishing in the lower leagues but I'd only done them quite recently - like about 5 weeks ago and thought I was doing quite well.

 :-[


 


Offline Slantrhyme

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28227 on: Today at 12:42:22 AM »
^ cheeky sod! I get shit from my landlord because the paintwork is all worn away around the windows. Itís worn away because Iím having to constantly scrub off mould in his cold, damp, mouldy flat. If heíd install decent heating then I wouldnít have to, and I wouldnít have to spend a fortune running the bloody dehumidifier all the time.
 Anyway sorry, thatís not relevant, itís just me having a whinge.

 Iím feeling quite calm. Not so long ago all the shit Iím dealing with wouldíve sent me into a tailspin, but I seem to be dealing with things more positively now. Iím feeling more confident and self assured.  I hope it continues. Today at the hospital it was decided that the mental health team are going to discharge me just as soon as I have been tapered off one of my medications. Yey, no more struggling to wake up in the morning and feeling like a zombie till lunch. I was so happy when I left my appointment that I couldíve flown all the way home.   
What I need to do is go to bed.     

Offline Betty Croker's frosted buns

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28228 on: Today at 01:11:28 AM »
^ cheeky sod! I get shit from my landlord because the paintwork is all worn away around the windows. Itís worn away because Iím having to constantly scrub off mould in his cold, damp, mouldy flat. If heíd install decent heating then I wouldnít have to, and I wouldnít have to spend a fortune running the bloody dehumidifier all the time.
 Anyway sorry, thatís not relevant, itís just me having a whinge.

 Iím feeling quite calm. Not so long ago all the shit Iím dealing with wouldíve sent me into a tailspin, but I seem to be dealing with things more positively now. Iím feeling more confident and self assured.  I hope it continues. Today at the hospital it was decided that the mental health team are going to discharge me just as soon as I have been tapered off one of my medications. Yey, no more struggling to wake up in the morning and feeling like a zombie till lunch. I was so happy when I left my appointment that I couldíve flown all the way home.   
What I need to do is go to bed.   

That's brilliant, Slantrhyme.

Well done, you.

Offline Slantrhyme

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Re: What are you feeling right now?
« Reply #28229 on: Today at 09:02:22 AM »
Thank you x