Author Topic: Non-rhetorical questions that are too trivial to warrant a thread of their own  (Read 468741 times)

Online Lust for Life

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Could you go dancing with some of your choir friends? Then you would have the added bonus of encouraging each other to keep going...

oldbutnew...

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You do not need to go with anyone.  I was first introduced to the dancing by a work colleague and we went together three years ago.  Then my colleague moved away and couldnt go anymore but as everyone is friendly and i liked it then i went on my own.   Now a friend of mine has expressed a wish to come but not until the evenings get lighter  ::)

Offline the ganze metsieh

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Learning ballroom dancing with straight people turned out, to my naive surprise, to be totally impossible for the unsurprising reason that I absolutely hate being led by straight men, and in fact, absolutely loath every last thing about them in close proximity to me, from their innocent shoelaces to their innocent shirt buttons, to anything at all about them, including however they smell, which is regrettably, an unavoidable element of dancing with them. It was being told physically what to do, the hand guiding my movements, that was intolerable, insufferable, infuriating. Needless to add, I could not keep to the beat with this level of aggravation, although being a mere half beat out, I thought highly commendable under the circumstances, and I didn't actually kill anyone or apparently do anything to give away how I felt. I was so nice in fact that when I was asked out by a really nice person, but unfortunately a straight man, I had to come out to him which was met with the usual surprise. If ever I decide to do this again it will only be with the gayers, and there are quite a few gay dance organisations in London.

Maybe dancing with the straights would have worked out if I could have been in charge because I think I could have womaned up to the responsibility if leadership had been thrust upon me. But somehow, despite all the current gender fluidity, the idea that a femme looking woman, admittedly without a good sense of rhythm, should be the one giving the orders on the dance floor, seems a bizarre and other worldly notion.

Online Lust for Life

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I think I might enjoy being led by my wife, but suspect that both of us would make a pigs ear of it on the rhythm front....

Great post, tgm, thank you for sharing. It reminded me strongly of the country dancing lessons I had at primary school, which turned into rather vicious deliberately treading on toes on both sides (I may possibly have started it).

Offline Wolfgang

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Is it worth trying to confront people you think are unintentionally abusing you if they're never going to understand and there's nothing you can do to change your situation in any way?

Offline Slantrhyme

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 It depends who youíre doing it for/ what you want to achieve. If you want to explain/clarify your situation and pass responsibility of understanding onto them then yeah, maybe, but if youíre hoping to change their attitude/behaviour, then probably not, for that is a path that leads to frustration, a sore head, and ultimately despair.  . 

Offline Trifle

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Iíve never tried straight ballroom dancing much but unfortunately I got pretty patronised by a woman  leading me at a gay dance. She was talking to me like I was about 5 and needed showing exactly  what to do and taking care of. I donít think she meant any harm and thought she was being reassuring as I told her I hadnít done it before but I was very glad to move on to someone else.

Offline Wolfgang

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It depends who youíre doing it for/ what you want to achieve. If you want to explain/clarify your situation and pass responsibility of understanding onto them then yeah, maybe, but if youíre hoping to change their attitude/behaviour, then probably not, for that is a path that leads to frustration, a sore head, and ultimately despair.  . 
Cd you explain "responsibility of understanding" please? I think it's what I'm after.

Offline Slantrhyme

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 Well, Iím being very clear and giving you this insight in the hope that you will gain some kind of understanding, passing back responsibility and accountability for your behaviour solely to you, and alleviating/mitigating the internalised feelings of culpability for your shitty behaviour that youíre contributing to my already conflicted and negative thought processes. Think sending back a faulty item with an explanation as to why itís unacceptable and telling them to either fix it or fuck off,  that sort of thing, but in a more nuanced, thought interventiony way.   

Online Lust for Life

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Thank you, Slanty and Wolfie, this helps me with a situation I have too. (Tutor being an arse and - to me - clear and simple ways to improve the course for the next round). I need to do what I can but accept that I can't change this and it's not my responsibility to win. As long as I keep thinking 'I can fix this if I only try harder' then I can't move on and will add my frustration to the problem. At some point I have to let it go.

David got lucky with Goliath. If his first shot had failed Goliath would have beaten him and no one would know his name. The underdog can't always win.

Offline the ganze metsieh

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I find deciding it is not my job to try to fix what cannot be fixed, unexpectedly empowering in other areas. I had a huge paper burning session recently and could very easily decide what to keep and what to burn, including lots of my own rubbish writing and a manuscript that some man seemed to think very important but I always disliked. It was great, I want to burn more papers now.

Offline Wolfgang

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Thing is these ppl are my carers  and I couldn't even get new carers without their help so it's a Catch-22.

Offline Trifle

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^ Is there no one independent people can talk to if there are issues with carers?  :-\

Offline hellohowareyoutoday

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Sorry things are bad with your carers, Wolfgang. I think the best thing to remember is that even the most seemingly intractable and bad situations very rarely stay exactly the same forever. Sometimes terrible situations change to just different problems, or sometimes they ease up a little bit somehow, in a way you never really imagined or foresaw. There's a possibility that one day you will be in better health (do you know how fast the world is advancing?), or you'll have better carers, or there'll be a natural disaster that wipes us all out tomorrow (please let this happen, thx). That's just what I think in theory, that there's bound to be change somehow.
« Last Edit: Feb 16, 2018, 11:19:24 PM by hellohowareyoutoday »

Offline MzB

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Trick them, Wolfie. Trick them into finding you new carers - and then give them the boot.