Author Topic: What are you thinking right now ?  (Read 875306 times)

Offline DameMonster

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36330 on: Jun 29, 2018, 02:47:55 PM »
Something, but I'm not sure what.

You know when you are growing up and there seems to be loads of aunties and uncles about and you're never sure exactly how you are related? Your parents cousins, your grandparents siblings etc. Some a re a bit exotic, some are mysterious and some are spoken about in hushed tones? And usually, it's only as an adult when you get a grasp of just how their lives connected with yours and the truth about who they were? Uncle Ted was born in India, so that's why he was always going on about the Raj, Uncle Colin, in Cairo, so that is why he always wore a hat. Aunty Ida's mother was remoured to have danced at the Moulin Rouge but no one ever talked about it out loud.

And then there is a person like Aunty Anne. Aunty Anne married my mum's younger brother. I know nothing of how they met, all I really knew was that they had four children. But from being a toddler, my mum talked about her all the time so I knew all about Anne and her place in our lives and what she represented.

The common tart who had stolen my mums baby brother.

My mum hated Aunty Anne and it was reciprocated. In spades. But neither one of them ever went so far as to have an actual argument, they just sniped at each other across the decades. When Anne would (regularly) not so casually mention her four bedroom house and ask my mother how many she had (Anne had been coming to our house for about 20 years) mother would hiss back 'three, but at least *we* are detached'. Anne was 'common', my mum was 'a snob'. When Anne upgraded her white goods, me and my brother knew that there would be an incoming, next model up, one of our own within weeks. Anne's new early 80s TV, complete with a remote was the single best thing that happened to me as a child.

When my cousin got pregnant as a teen, my mother was first on the phone to Anne, consoling in a remarkably gloaty way. When my brother left his wife, Aunty Anne was there, on the phone, just to let my mum know what everyone at the church was saying.

When my dad died, my mother spend the day plying Anne with port and telling everyone she was 'a bit too fond of a drink'.  When Anne's husband died, she forgot to leave a space for my mum in the cars. So obviously, when my mum wrote up her funeral plans, she banned Anne from the cars entirely.

And that was the last time I saw my Aunty Anne. At my mums funeral. (The one with no cars because we were trying to avoid a family war.) She had a smile on face at outliving her, I expect. My favourite cousin Jo, told me, with an entirely straight face that she had insisted on coming to pay her respects despite being in a wheelchair. Later, Jo told me the truth, that Anne was there for the headcount to see how many people had turned up.

Yesterday Jo got in touch to let me know Aunty Anne had died. She invited both me and my brother to the funeral, well her actual words were "I'll let you know when the funeral is, I'll be expecting at least one of you to do the headcount"

I don't feel sad, I didn't really know Aunty Anne that well. But it does feel like the end of an era. I have no idea what my mum and Aunty Anne fell out in the first place. I have no idea if they even really liked each other underneath. But I do know that there was something in that relationship that was crucial to both of them and something about their relationship that propelled them both to do better and bigger things. So it feels weird that there's a world with neither of them in it.

So, I will raise a glass to my Aunty Anne. And her tv. And perhaps the two of them are somewhere together as I write, bickering about it being too hot or something. It's what they both would have wanted.
I was wondering whether I should comment, it's hard when you haven't been around for ages on GB and I can't tell who is who after so long away from the boards.  But I decided to anyway.  I hope you won't be offended by a stranger commenting on something so personal, message boards or not...   

It's so sad yet the way you wrote this, how you expressed it, I felt like I was watching a trailer from a film. I could picture both of them. Now I want to know more about Aunty Anne and your Ma.  Maybe a 'headcount' wouldn't be such a bad thing...

Offline Musette

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36331 on: Jun 29, 2018, 04:19:51 PM »
I found your post fascinating, lyco, and would also love to know the ins and outs and family history.

Weirdly, I also have an Aunty Ann who is married to my mum's younger brother.
And these two women have an inexplicable feud that's been going on for decades.
They are all three still alive but my mum recently talked about how she wouldn't want to go to Aunty Ann's funeral (although she'd want to support her brother - what to do?!), nor would she want AA at hers. She is even more concerned about what to do if my uncle dies first - she'd want to go to his funeral but not if AA is going to be there (which she will, obviously!). My uncle is as bemused as the rest of us as to what their problem is. He's tried to patch it up but my mum was having none of it.

When my brother got married some years ago he invited our Aunt and Uncle (they are our only ones, and lovely people as far as he and I are concerned) but my mum vetoed it, saying she wouldn't come to his wedding if she was going to be there, so he had to uninvite them, which was awkward.

My mum sees her brother every so often, but only on his own.
I try to tell her life's too short to hold that sort of grudge but she clings onto it like a talisman.
"U r a multifaceted dark horse. Oh yes you are..."

a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D

Offline Wolfgang

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36332 on: Jun 29, 2018, 09:25:05 PM »
Quote
When Anne would (regularly) not so casually mention her four bedroom house and ask my mother how many she had (Anne had been coming to our house for about 20 years) mother would hiss back 'three, but at least *we* are detached'

 ;D
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong that transwomen aren't shouting at me to suck their balls. - Hhayt

Offline Lyco

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36333 on: Jun 29, 2018, 10:09:10 PM »
I was wondering whether I should comment, it's hard when you haven't been around for ages on GB and I can't tell who is who after so long away from the boards.  But I decided to anyway.  I hope you won't be offended by a stranger commenting on something so personal, message boards or not...   

It's so sad yet the way you wrote this, how you expressed it, I felt like I was watching a trailer from a film. I could picture both of them. Now I want to know more about Aunty Anne and your Ma.  Maybe a 'headcount' wouldn't be such a bad thing...

I am totally up front about the size of my ego. Any comment is brilliant, friend, stranger or foe! So thank you.

I do, however, think it would be an awful film. There would be no happy ending whereby they both sat in their nursing homes and confessed that underneath it all they actually liked each other or even worse loved each other. And I am not ever going to get that mental image out of my brain.

In fact, Auntie Anne got a special mention in my mothers funeral plans.

That was five years ago and to be honest me and my brother (the one who isn't estranged) were surprised that its taken her so long to invite us round to have the 'death' talk. But a month or so ago it finally happened.

We went over all the fine details, who was to be invited (everyone she has ever met and all members of her current church whether she knows them or not), who was to be sat at the back (Auntie Anne)...

When my mums younger brother died, Auntie Anne erected the most unbelievable monstrosity on his grave. It was gold and it made Jimmy Saville's headstone look understated. It was and remains the most talked about grave in Dunstable. My poor mother would have to see it every week when she visited her parent's graves and one of our last outings together we were both there. Me open-mouthed, her flinching as she popped a small bunch of flowers on it. As we were walking away someone visiting a nearby grave asked her if she knew the occupant. My mother visibly paled at the thought of being associated with it and mumbled 'my brother' and then as the woman walked away called out 'it was his wife's choice, she's from Farley Hill'. The woman gave my mother a knowing and compassionate look. Farley Hill had a lot of council houses. I pointed out to my mother that she also was from Farley Hill and she rounded on me and hissed "the edge of Farley Hill and we were detached".

Offline Marty.

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36334 on: Jul 01, 2018, 12:15:00 AM »
Something's gotta give.

Offline Wolfgang

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36335 on: Jul 03, 2018, 08:50:50 AM »
No, it is really fucking bad.  It's too too bright .  It's really fucking bad
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong that transwomen aren't shouting at me to suck their balls. - Hhayt

Offline Wolfgang

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36336 on: Jul 06, 2018, 10:08:27 PM »
Omg snus :o *shaky*
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong that transwomen aren't shouting at me to suck their balls. - Hhayt

Offline sarah_m

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36337 on: Jul 09, 2018, 08:54:47 PM »
how beautiful this piece of music is..
"dreamers, they never learn, they never learn.."

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36338 on: Jul 11, 2018, 06:45:58 AM »
My plan to make my passwords to alluring sites strings of random letters and numbers has worked. I now find it so tedious to locate the passwords and then type them in that I only do it once in a while. See you all in 11 days when I log in again. In 11 days, I will be a slightly different version of myself.

I will be older
My teeth will be yellower
In eleven days

Offline Lust for Life

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36339 on: Jul 11, 2018, 07:35:26 AM »
My plan to make my passwords to alluring sites strings of random letters and numbers has worked. I now find it so tedious to locate the passwords and then type them in that I only do it once in a while. See you all in 11 days when I log in again. In 11 days, I will be a slightly different version of myself.

I will be older
My teeth will be yellower
In eleven days

I can't pretend to understand about the teeth but I feel a song coming on...

https://youtu.be/-SYL1O9DKAo

When I get older, I will be stronger!

Offline valerie

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36340 on: Jul 16, 2018, 10:51:42 AM »
nice to be on this side of the pond for 7 weeks...it's been awhile. Ireland is quite cool
now and this townhouse/lodge {not sure of terminology here} has a  fireplace where
we can use peat  & logs. Came over here to cool off and escape part of the 4 month 31 +
temperature in my home state.
In general >thinking> happy, peaceful, active, quiet=every conceivable good feeling!
The most permanent characteristic in life is change.

Offline Marty.

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36341 on: Aug 01, 2018, 10:50:00 PM »
Change of plan.

Offline Musette

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"U r a multifaceted dark horse. Oh yes you are..."

a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D

Offline Lust for Life

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36343 on: Aug 04, 2018, 06:58:22 AM »
25/34 ain't bad.

https://www.bodylogicmd.com/content/34-symptoms-of-menopause-and-treatment-options

 ::) :-\ >:( :'( :P

Only 19 for me in total, and not all (still) regularly noticeable. I do feel I'm having an easy ride.

((Musette))

Offline Musette

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Re: What are you thinking right now ?
« Reply #36344 on: Aug 05, 2018, 01:16:31 AM »
Thanks LfL.
It's been a very bumpy ride so far (perimenopausal for a few years now, with many of the common symptoms but with regular periods).

The latest development has been very sudden though. Since I had my kids my periods have been very regular - pretty much every 25 days on the nose. My most recent one started on 9th June. Nothing at all since then. I should have had another one and be starting the next by now.
I have felt intensely pre-menstrual for most of that time and feel like I have gained about a stone in weight.
My hair is coming out and my nipples feel like they did when I was pregnant (ie, as if they've been flayed with a cheese grater).

Obviously it's not the most awful thing in the world, and this is probably the wrong place to be writing about it, but I feel totally discombobulated and as if my body is somewhat out of control with relatively minor ailments but so many of them. I'm hoping time will eventually get it back on an even keel.

Also, I realise that in general I am very lucky and have a good life. My woes are trivial compared to a lot of people's.
I hope yours remain mainly unnoticeable LfL  :)
"U r a multifaceted dark horse. Oh yes you are..."

a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D