Author Topic: Good things about being single  (Read 8252 times)

Offline Medusa

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Re: Good things about being single
« Reply #90 on: Apr 27, 2017, 09:59:10 AM »
^ that's a good question, Trifle.

I think it's a number of things, such as:
- prospective partners simply being put off by your age (50+ sounds really old!).
- lack of opportunity to meet people (I sometimes see social events and so on that I quite fancy but I know I'll be about twice the average age of everyone else there and will look and feel completely out of place - it has happened!)
- kids and other family commitments - a lot of my time these days is spent being with my kids as they need a lot of support in their teenage years. And my ageing mother needs more support as time goes by as well and I'm the only one around to provide that.
- tiredness - sounds trite but I simply don't have the physical or emotional energy I did when I was younger.
- health issues - not necessarily age-related, but the older I get the more things are going wrong with me physically. I imagine I am a less attractive prospect than someone younger and healthier.
- internet dating - a mixed blessing - it's a great way to meet people but it can also rule out a lot of people as you can be very specific about the age range you are interested in. Once over 50 I think you get less of a look in.
- less willing to take a chance - this might sound over-dramatic but I really feel the passing of the years these days and am possibly less willing to take a chance on something that might not work out and then leave me back at square one but even older. I have less 'bounce back' than I used to. I'm probably also pickier in terms of what I'm prepared to accept in a partner.

Of course not all of these things are exclusively age-related and can happen to anyone at any age, but my experience/perception is that they are more common as you get older.

What do you think? :)

I agree with the majority of this. So far I haven't really found that women are put off by my age (50) and in the event, anyone who found that a problem would not be the right person for me, anyway. But the rest, yes.

I like being on my own a lot so it would take a mighty pull to entice me back into a relationship. I also think that as time passes I am less captivated by 'romance' and more focused on the question: 'how much of my self - my most difficult, bruised self - would I be able to show this person?' If the answer is 'not a lot', then I am not going to go any further.

At 20, probably even 30, I thought that love could move mountains. Now I think it mostly moves the duvet around the bed. Relationships require so very much more than 'just' love and desire.


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Offline Musette

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Re: Good things about being single
« Reply #91 on: Apr 27, 2017, 10:13:03 AM »
^ yes, all of that.

I wonder also if the older we get and/or the more time we are single, the harder it becomes (or the less willing we are) to make accommodations for other people. For example, although I don't live alone, I have for the last 7 years had my own room that I don't share with anyone and the thought now of sharing my bed/room on anything other than an occasional basis fills me with horror. Of course I am assuming here that a relationship would mean living together, whereas what I'd prefer is someone who lives nearby but not with me (*adds to ever-growing list of relationship requirements*).
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Offline Tired, Confused & Duped

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Re: Good things about being single
« Reply #92 on: Apr 27, 2017, 11:04:15 AM »
It's not just my bed but also my kitchen I don't want to share apart from occasionally and of course, on my terms as host.

When I was a child and trying to devise ways to cope with marriage to a man, I explained a whole elaborate scheme to one of my sisters of three bedrooms, one for each of us and one for both, and then I thought of bathrooms, how we'd probably need one each of those too, until in the end, realising that this dwelling was becoming impossibly large, I decided he could live next door and we'd have a door on the upper floor between adjoining rooms but the lock would be on my side.

Offline Grey

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Re: Good things about being single
« Reply #93 on: Apr 27, 2017, 02:03:13 PM »
Well thought out-esp the lock

A straight married friend who used to visit /hide out once said to me the longer you're single the more seductive it is

Offline Musette

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Re: Good things about being single
« Reply #94 on: Apr 27, 2017, 03:24:54 PM »
I don't mind about the kitchen and bathroom so much, as long as the other person doesn't make too much mess. But adjacent dwellings seems to be the way to go :)

That makes a lot of sense, Grey.
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Offline Artist

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Re: Good things about being single
« Reply #95 on: Apr 28, 2017, 01:36:35 PM »
Don't worry about kitchens and bathrooms. Love is a trap. This ^ is now thinking without all that oxytocin, dopamine and adrenaline  ;D
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Offline Musette

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Re: Good things about being single
« Reply #96 on: Apr 28, 2017, 03:44:18 PM »
Maybe that's another reason it get 'harder' with age. Not that it is more difficult but that it is less important.
When you're younger there is a biological imperative (whether you want it or recognise it or not) to meet someone with whom you can reproduce.
Once your body starts to acknowledge that boat has sailed, perhaps the seeking of a mate becomes less urgent and other aspects of life (comfort, independence, peace?) become more important, and less compatible with living with someone else.
Anyway it's just a theory I've made up on the spot and obviously it's not as simple as that, but it might be part of it.
"U r a multifaceted dark horse. Oh yes you are..."

a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D

Offline fiddleyD

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Re: Good things about being single
« Reply #97 on: Jun 11, 2017, 02:15:51 AM »
Not having to hang out with partners dull pals or workmates... More pressure than ever to be in a relationship

Offline Chewwy

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Re: Good things about being single
« Reply #98 on: Jun 11, 2017, 05:02:52 AM »
Not having to hang out with partners dull pals or workmates... More pressure than ever to be in a relationship

I hear you sista'.   8)
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Offline Xpress

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Re: Good things about being single
« Reply #99 on: Jun 15, 2017, 10:09:04 PM »
Booty calls and gong back to your own pad with just a big smile