If I come into the lounge and find your jaws locked around the fairy light cable in a rictus of electrocution, don't expect any sympathy. Daft cat. And also? Yes, you were a cute ickle kitten last year and could climb the tree with something resembling grace. In comparison, you are a heifer this year. The tree WILL fall over if you persist in trying to mug the angel.
And please leave my unopened tampons alone.