Author Topic: Wedding Day  (Read 101251 times)

Offline Suze

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Wedding Day
« on: Nov 14, 2005, 08:02:44 AM »
Hi
I mean registering your partenrship, of course ::)

I wonder if there is scope to talk a bit about how we are making plans for this?  I know there is another thread on registration but it is very much tied up with legal issues and adoption issues etc....

 I'd like a thread to talk about "The Day"

we are hoping to do ours at Easter next year.  
We are talking about things like who to invite?  
How to deal with the fact that we are not planing to invite any blood-relatives?

what music to have?

what readings etc to have?

and I would be interested in sharing this discussion with other women pondering the same

Later I'll cut and paste some of the most relevant bits from the other thread ....

cheers
Begin doing what you want to do now.

We are not living in eternity.

We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake.

Offline Jenny Talia

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #1 on: Nov 14, 2005, 12:12:37 PM »
Theres a modern wedding expo on the 19th/20th at the business centre, upper st,  near angel.

We'll invite family, but I doubt they'll come.  Being too far away.  

We're going to keep ours as small and simple as possible to minimise post-wedding stress.

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Offline millicent

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #2 on: Nov 14, 2005, 08:23:25 PM »
I always post on these threads. Marriage threads seem like millicent flypaper.  ::)
If you've already read what I'm going to write, I apologise.

We had our "wedding" (minus the piece of paper  ::)) two and a half years ago and it was great.
We had "Have I told you lately that I love you" (because I used to sing it to my g/f and she didn't know the song, so she thought I made it up until Rod Stewart came on on the radio one day) and "You and me" ("then we watch TV, till we fall asleep, not very exciting, but it's you and me, always and forever". Well, it seemed fitting.  :D).

We also got some friends to do some readings we both chose together:
"The difficulty that is marriage - Paul Durcan

We disagree to disagree, we divide, we differ;
Yet each night as I lie in bed beside you
And you are faraway curled up in sleep
I array the moonlit ceiling with a mosaic of question-marks;
How was it I was so lucky to have ever met you?
I am no brave pagan proud of my mortality
Yet gladly on this changeling earth I should live for ever
If it were with you, my sleeping friend.
I have my troubles, and I shall always have them
But I would rather live with you for ever
Than exhange my troubles for a changeless kingdom.
But I do not put you on a pedestal or throne;
You must have your faults but I do not see them.
If it were with you, I should live for ever."

And


“If I can make you cry – Paul Williams

If I can fill your eyes with pleasure
Just by holding you
In the early hours of the morning
When the day that lies ahead’s
Not quite begun.

If I can make you smile
If I can move you close
To laughter with a word or two
When you day’s been filled with strangers
And the castles that you build
All tumble down
Oh well, that’s enough for me
That’s all the hero I need to be
I smile to think of you and me
You and I
And how our pleasures make you cry”
 
We also exchanged rings at the ceremony.
We invited close family and friends for the ceremony and a meal, and then hired the upstairs bit of a local pub and we had a DJ.
We were a bit nervous about inviting one particular aunt. ("Two women isn't a wedding. It’s just not normal." but even she got into the spirit.)

And this is the cake we had. (Yes, it’s the same style as Jordan’s but we so got there first.)
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b189/millicent_uk/06130023.jpg

We're getting civilly partnered on the 28th of December and we don't want to take anything away from our "wedding", so we're just going to have my best friend and her husband as witnesses, and then go for pizza with some friends. (Ok, with about 30 friends  ::)) No cake this time. But we couldn’t resist more rings.
« Last Edit: Nov 14, 2005, 08:24:58 PM by millicent »
'First they came for Katie Hopkins and I did not speak, because I'd been waiting ages for them to come for Katie Hopkins.
Then they came for Piers Morgan and I said he's over there behind the sofa.'

Haille

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #3 on: Nov 14, 2005, 08:53:50 PM »
Not sure when we will get around to this, we only just got a joint bank account last month....but one day maybe

Anyway when we do I'll know what to do seeing as I am probably the only Beerie to have had the registrars training on Civil Partnerships and have copies of all the forms that you will have to do and the ones you won't see.
 ;)

powwwwwer

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #4 on: Nov 14, 2005, 11:36:16 PM »
we are hoping to finish making the invitations in time to send them out with Christmas cards...we have simplified the Christmas cards but it's going to be quite an achievement if we manage it.  Maybe we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves if life gets a little in the way...(both studying and working and we have two children.... ;D)

My sister asked recently how many people were coming, we said we had no idea as we haven't sent out the invitations yet (it's not till July) but possibly about 100.  "OH, a big wedding then!" was her response.  Is it?  I have four siblings, all partnered with children.  I have about 16 cousins, the estimate of 100 was assuming that we would get a representative delegation of about 3 aunts/cousins from Italy, as my brother did. Most of my friends have children, and I cannot imagine having a "sorry but no children are invited" wedding :-\.  And my partner also has a large extended family and lots of her friends also have children.  If we only invited our parents, our siblings and their partners and children, that would be 25 including us.  When we hold an open-house-type gathering in December or in the summer, as we have been known to do, there are no relatives as they are all far away, and we usually give friends less than a week's notice.  About 30 people usually make it.  We don't invite the people who live a long way away to those gatherings(also known as frills ;D)...so if we invite the people who are imporatnat to us, and give them advance notice of the date, 100 could easily happen.  Is it too many?  It's too many to fit into the registry office, we already have to deal with letting people know that they can't all come in...but even expensive places to get married, like the Royal Pavilion, only let a few people in - about 30.

We are trying to minimise everyone's costs by holding the "evening" (plus breakfast) do at a campsite, so no-one is thrown out at 11pm and no-one has to pay hotel bills on top of the travel costs that most of the guests will have - from Wales and the Netherlands, mainly.

We have nearly sorted rings, have sorted most of what we will all wear (us and our children), have chosen the campsite (it's right by the sea :)), have lots of ideas about food and stuff, have also realised that there is a huge amount to organise (and see above ref to being a little busy :o) - and intend to investigate the format of the ceremony itself and make some decisions about that after we have seen the registrar to give notice in December.

Looking forward to being married though!!
 ;D :D :) ;) ;D :D ;) :) ;D :D ;) :)

Offline Hope

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #5 on: Nov 15, 2005, 12:29:54 PM »
I always post on these threads. Marriage threads seem like millicent flypaper.  ::)
If you've already read what I'm going to write, I apologise.

I had not, and I enjoyed reading your post. I loved both texts. It clearly was an amazing day you cherish rightly :D 8)

Great plans @Lust for life
« Last Edit: Nov 15, 2005, 12:30:24 PM by Hope »
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Offline millicent

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #6 on: Nov 15, 2005, 07:53:04 PM »
I always post on these threads. Marriage threads seem like millicent flypaper.  ::)
If you've already read what I'm going to write, I apologise.

I had not, and I enjoyed reading your post. I loved both texts. It clearly was an amazing day you cherish rightly :D 8)

Great plans @Lust for life

Fanku, Hope.  :D :-*

@Lust for life: holding it at a campsite is a really good idea.  :D
'First they came for Katie Hopkins and I did not speak, because I'd been waiting ages for them to come for Katie Hopkins.
Then they came for Piers Morgan and I said he's over there behind the sofa.'

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #7 on: Nov 15, 2005, 08:43:01 PM »
hey suzi - B is finally going to make an honest woman of you??? congratulations to you both :)

Offline Ruth

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #8 on: Nov 16, 2005, 04:13:24 PM »
Our family all come from a long way away, so we are looking at hiring somewhere residential, and having a party there. We'll have the ceremony in the morning, with only a few special people invited. Youth hostels are great for this - we've contacted a few and they seem very gay-friendly. They also have four hostels in historic buildings licensed for weddings and civil partnerships, which you don't have to stay at.

The party will involve really nice food, lots of activities for the kids (circus stuff etc), and then a fire show by some of our friends later on. There'll be some booze, but I don't want a boozy do.

Offline Suze

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #9 on: Nov 18, 2005, 05:26:16 PM »
hi
thanks for these contributions

"keep em coming" folks

meanwhile - on a trawl for quotations I came cross this - it's a corker, albeit not nec. for your wedding!
Quote
The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.
-- Lynn Lavner
« Last Edit: Nov 18, 2005, 05:26:37 PM by suzi-BR »
Begin doing what you want to do now.

We are not living in eternity.

We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake.

Offline Suze

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #10 on: Nov 22, 2005, 10:56:40 PM »
sorry to be a sad bastard answering her own thread -

but we just had a chat with the registrar, and she is soooo sweet

she's had her day's training and thinks it is only fair that we are being brought in ot line with the rest of the world

and she also thinks that registrars in big cities are being overwhelmed by the numbers of us coming out to register  - being as most of the ppl coming forward have been together for years there is a big back log
(she says)


I say YAY

after reading the article in this weeks observer (was it ? or grauniad)
http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story/0,,1644490,00.html

 I was really moved by the two elderly guys who have been together since the 60s and will be getting hitched on 21st Dec - I feel like organising a bus trip of us óver  there to Chelsea to throw some confetti for them

(apart from that I was p'd off that the article featured 6 couples and only one of them female --- gRRRRRR )

anyone else planning now?

the registrar wants 300 quid, is that the same everywhere?
« Last Edit: Nov 22, 2005, 11:00:29 PM by suzi-BR »
Begin doing what you want to do now.

We are not living in eternity.

We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake.

Offline Suze

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #11 on: Nov 22, 2005, 11:03:03 PM »
hey suzi - B is finally going to make an honest woman of you??? congratulations to you both :)

haha - hi Janie
 it will take more than a registrar to make an honest woman of me

the more I think about it the more excited I get

but I've spoken to my parents several time since we decided and still not told them that we are getitng marrried

bloody wierd after 13 years that is still feels tricky to do

ho hum

they wont be invited to the ceremony anyway, none of the family will be there!

hahaha


« Last Edit: Nov 22, 2005, 11:03:33 PM by suzi-BR »
Begin doing what you want to do now.

We are not living in eternity.

We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake.

Offline millicent

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #12 on: Nov 23, 2005, 04:54:20 PM »


the registrar wants 300 quid, is that the same everywhere?


300 Pounds?  :o

I was told it's "30 pounds each plus 40 pounds fee".
What do you get for 300 pounds?
'First they came for Katie Hopkins and I did not speak, because I'd been waiting ages for them to come for Katie Hopkins.
Then they came for Piers Morgan and I said he's over there behind the sofa.'

Offline Suze

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #13 on: Nov 23, 2005, 08:07:33 PM »
maybe it is to pay for her  her coming out to a venue??

apparently it is c. 60 quid to tell them we are going to do it, and then another 200plus  quid on the day   --


modified cos I just had a quick look on the registrars website, and yup - it is 30 quid each to notify (60 quid)  and 40 quid if you do it chez-them and the extra must be for them to come to your venue -
Quote
The cost for attendance by a civil partnership registrar is set by the registration authority in question.


the govt's registrar's website is here,
 http://www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/
and it is worth a look to see lovely girly hands clasped in the top row of icons, right there alongside marriages and deaths --- groovy baby


stonewall's FAQs page is quite good
http://www.stonewall.org.uk/information_bank/partnership/civil_partnership_act/152.asp
« Last Edit: Nov 23, 2005, 08:24:05 PM by suzi-BR »
Begin doing what you want to do now.

We are not living in eternity.

We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake.

Offline Suze

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Re:Wedding Day
« Reply #14 on: Dec 05, 2005, 11:27:53 PM »
more from me

this bit was in the Observer this weekend from Tess and Sarah who are tying the knot soon and looking for suitable readings
Quote
Tess and Sarah spent last weekend scouring the internet in search of appropriate, gender-neutral readings for the service. It is proving harder than they thought, reports Tess, who has short-listed the 16th-century lesbian poet Katherine Phillips and Sappho as possible contenders.  
« Last Edit: Dec 05, 2005, 11:28:14 PM by suzi-BR »
Begin doing what you want to do now.

We are not living in eternity.

We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake.