Author Topic: Partner is a workaholic  (Read 401 times)

Offline nimbus

  • Gingerbeer Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
Partner is a workaholic
« on: Dec 04, 2017, 02:21:45 PM »
hi everyone, looking for a little advice or similar experience to draw on here - my partner works very hard, runs her own business and at the moment that is 7 days a week and up to 17 hours a day. i know we are in the worst of it but she does not have a get-out plan and i suspect she is running away from herself by working so hard. when we do have time together she doesn't want to socialise at all (understandable right now with the hours) as she feels like she doesn't have anything to talk about apart from work and doesn't want to talk about work.

I feel like she is sticking her head in the sand about many things, (family, health, intimacy) and i feel like i am hanging around being supportive, waiting for some day when she is less busy, which may never happen. Anyone else had this problem and has there been a positive outcome? I love her dearly but she the situation is alienating us both and i feel kind of lonely.

Offline pure evil

  • Gingerbeer Goddess
  • *****
  • Posts: 4,600
  • Joyful Misandrist
Re: Partner is a workaholic
« Reply #1 on: Dec 05, 2017, 03:45:26 PM »
Hiya, I think I've stood on boh sides of this. I've certainly had partners say 'You're a workaholic' and I've also been partnered to people who worked in industries were the 14+ hour day was seen as standard.

Being called a workaholic didn't do much for me or my relationships, sometimes I experienced that as an attempt by a partner to undermine my intense focus on things that were very important to me. Being with people who worked, worked, worked, then came home, fell over, went to sleep and went back to work, work, work. Yes it felt lonely.

I don't think there is anything that can change another person, I also find that if I make what the other person is or isn't doing my focus, that increases my unhapiness. Easier said than done, I know!! These days I'm very UNcoupley, the same amount of work focused, but I also try to make a balance with friends, outside interests, down time. I found 'anonymous' fellowships helped me to learn more about how to be responsible for my own happiness.

Offline valerie

  • Gingerbeer Goddess
  • *****
  • Posts: 3,673
  • Gingerbeer.co.uk - The Lesbian Guide
Re: Partner is a workaholic
« Reply #2 on: Apr 30, 2018, 02:28:12 PM »
I was somewhat of a workaholic. My longest relationship was with an ARNP with the
same characteristics. However, we both loved Europe & having that in common, we
relaxed by researching on our laptops together & frequent travel.

I know this is a 6 month later response, but, is your partner working this hard because she wants a secure retirement status?
Can she hire someone to assist her?  You did not say how long you have been together & if it's a new relationship & she is very ambitious,perhaps extravagantly ambitious, this relationship might not work unless you have other ideas about how to spend your time. I also do not know your age and that can make a difference. If she's not 50 yet, her goal may be to achieve comfort in later life plus, she may LOVE her job. I loved my jobs which involved teaching & writing.

We broke up because our perceptions of retirement were quite different. However, she
 is my best friend and introduced me to the woman with whom I live & love right now.

No longer a workaholic, but teach & write intermittently for work. http://www.thatgirlabouttown.com/blog/along-the-path-pick-and-choose-by-valerie-arena-2/ and this one was in The Fort Lauderdale Sun- Sentinel http://www.sun-sentinel.com/opinion/commentary/sfl-samesex-wedding-valerie-arena-20150109-story.html

I hope something has worked out nimbus
The most permanent characteristic in life is change.

Offline nimbus

  • Gingerbeer Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
Re: Partner is a workaholic
« Reply #3 on: Jun 09, 2018, 02:40:41 PM »
Thankyou pure evil and valerie, great points here.


Being called a workaholic didn't do much for me or my relationships, sometimes I experienced that as an attempt by a partner to undermine my intense focus on things that were very important to me.

Yes maybe that's unfair labelling. Her business was always the dream and now she's doing it. I don't think i'm consciously trying to undermine it, but like you say, it's lonely sometimes. We figured out that she feels validation through work and I feel it through community - family and friends, so we need to work on this.


I also find that if I make what the other person is or isn't doing my focus, that increases my unhapiness.

Wise words, I may see my own life in relation to others' a bit too much.



is your partner working this hard because she wants a secure retirement status?


Valerie, yes she has said that. Fair enough. We come from different backgrounds and different countries. She had to work to survive (and to escape a problematic family) and i've always coasted along feeling secure enough to go for what i want and take risks in my career with full moral support from family.

We've been together 5 years and I was attracted to her ambition. We're both 40. I feel like as i get older i just want to hang out with her more without being absolutely exhausted! I guess 40-50 is often the hardest working time for people.
Thanks so much  for the replies i really appreciate it.




Offline valerie

  • Gingerbeer Goddess
  • *****
  • Posts: 3,673
  • Gingerbeer.co.uk - The Lesbian Guide
Re: Partner is a workaholic
« Reply #4 on: Jun 10, 2018, 01:38:28 PM »
Take care,nimbus.
The most permanent characteristic in life is change.