Author Topic: Running out of time don't know what to do...  (Read 454 times)

Offline Paperboy

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Running out of time don't know what to do...
« on: Jul 24, 2017, 02:03:04 PM »
Hi, hoping somebody here would have good ideas, or encouragement, or both. I'm nearly 40, single, really wanting children but don't know how to go about it. I can't afford a private clinic and the NHS does not treat single women.

I guess the very big question is, how to find a sperm donor or a possible co-parenting arrangement? I have signed up to a few websites, but it seems desperate and I'm terrified of the risks. I don't know many male gays and those I know I don't think it would be appropriate for me to ask.

I'm not from the UK and have no family here so not much support as I am losing hope and finding that so sore that I don't really want to open up about it to my friends.

Just now I'm feeling completely hopeless, down, it will never happen, I don't know how to make it happen and I've kept believing and hoping something would naturally come along but it's not looking like it.

 :-\ ??? :-\

Offline Sherpa

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Re: Running out of time don't know what to do...
« Reply #1 on: Jul 26, 2017, 04:00:22 PM »
So sorry to hear of your plight paperboy. I don't have much practical help, but I can tell you that both of our children were born when we were 42, so although it gets harder it is by no means impossible. We used a sperm bank and clinic (though i know lots of people who have got pregnant at this age naturally too) and like you were were worried about finding people online, but I can tell you that we have since met people who have found donors online and it has all gone perfectly smoothly, so don't give up hope!

Offline Paperboy

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Re: Running out of time don't know what to do...
« Reply #2 on: Aug 06, 2017, 09:25:39 PM »
Hi Sherpa, thank you so much for the encouragement! Just that is so helpful xx

I wonder if anyone would be able to share their experience -- how did they vet potential donors, how did it work out...?

Offline Paperboy

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Re: Running out of time don't know what to do...
« Reply #3 on: Sep 11, 2017, 09:37:44 PM »
***bump...?***

Offline Lust for Life

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Re: Running out of time don't know what to do...
« Reply #4 on: Sep 15, 2017, 10:44:38 PM »
Sorry Paperboy, I meant to reply to your question but apparently I forgot.

In the sticky threads at the top of this section is one called making babies faq, or something like that. It hasn't been added to for a few years but that's because a lot had already been said. I think you'll find several relevant posts in that thread.

Offline k1t5un3

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Re: Running out of time don't know what to do...
« Reply #5 on: Sep 27, 2017, 08:21:27 PM »
We started with pride angel. We contacted a few possible donors and met them several times. We did settle on one and started trying. However, we had too many scheduling conflicts as he travelled a lot for work, so we decided to move onto Cryos. I've heard a few good success stories via Pride Angel. If you search for a co-parent or a donor that way, the key is meeting and building a relationship before starting. We didn't want to do that again as we just wanted to be trying, so we opted for Cryos with home delivery. For us, luckily it worked.

Good luck.
"The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking." -- Albert Einstein

Offline Sherpa

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Re: Running out of time don't know what to do...
« Reply #6 on: Oct 09, 2017, 02:56:27 PM »
Sorry you're not getting more responses, it's very quiet on here these days, I think that people find facebook groups or something. It's certain not that we're having fewer babies - I went to a Rainbow Families event in Glasgow at the weekend and there were quite a few new ones!

I'm sorry I don't have more relevant personal experience re finding donors. Does pride angel or the like have forums for this kind of discussion? Anyway, what I would say from personal experience is, don't let your doubt and worries stop you from making enquiries etc. One kind of regret I have is that it took a long time for us to get going with baby-making because we had a lot to work out in terms of chosing a donor (known, anonymous), which of us was going to have treatment, what kind of treatment and so on. All of which is necessary (and some of which is easier in that you don't have a partner to negotiate this with!) but it did take us more than it needed to I think, and meant that I didn't have my daughter til I was almost 42.

So look up information about clinics, sperm banks, donors, see what feels right or possible but don't procrastinate any more than you have to. Also it might be worth having some hormone tests with your GP or a clinic, just to see how the land lies.