Author Topic: What do I do?  (Read 202 times)

Offline wut

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What do I do?
« on: Jun 18, 2017, 09:03:57 PM »
Sorry for what might be the length of this. I just thought it might be good to get it off my chest and get any opinions if anyone has any. However, maybe the main reason is just to write it all out and try to clear my head on what has been a difficult day.

Back in the winter I met someone. It went really well at first, we got to know each other and fell in love. But then it seemed to go sour and at this point I have no idea what to do or whether it's worth fighting for.

There were quite a lot of issues, problems on both sides really. I guess all of those were drawn a line under as we broke up, and then got back together to try to resolve it. I thought it was worth fighting for and putting effort into as the good times together had been really good, but the bad times together, admittedly, had been pretty bad as well.

One of the issues was something kind of relating to consent in a way. IDK but I feel like maybe sometimes I can come across as quite disinterested or not willing to give much in a relationship. Whereas my partner was (and is) totally the opposite and wanted to spend a lot of time together. I need my own space. But especially regarding things like PDA, she would want to do it and I'd not want to, and it kind of got to a weird point, which we had resolved. But then after we got together a week ago it's kind of reared up again.

Things came to a head this weekend in a really shit way. I'd planned to work Fri/Sun and have Sat off so I could see her, but she said I shouldn't work Father's Day. In the end it made me feel so bad I decided to swap my days around so I wouldn't work it, and I would work Sat, and have Sun off, but (and I know this was unfair) I had such a shit day on Saturday and was exhausted so I felt I didn't even want to see her today.

One of her patients died in the past few weeks and it's the funeral tomorrow. Things kicked off today because of a few things. We'd agreed we'd meet tomorrow and so I asked her where. She said either mine or somewhere inbetween us. I said that was fine, so I suggested a place. She said maybe there wouldn't be enough time for that, so she suggested another place. I said that was OK.

This is where it all started to go wrong. She asked me if I wanted to come to the funeral.

I didn't feel comfortable with going as I've never met the person who died, so I said I'd thought about it but I didn't feel comfortable with it as I'd never met her.

I thought that would be the end of it but she said that "only we know you kind of did know her" (I think bc she'd talked about me to her) and that "selfishly she wanted me there for support"

I reiterated that I was sorry but I didn't feel comfortable with it and she said "I wasn't still asking you to go!!!!!!!"

and then she said that she thought it was better to leave tomorrow (after all our arrangements) as she was working 12 hours and a funeral and she thought that was enough tbh.

So I said that was ok... but I had got some roses I wanted to give to her before it
And said is it ok if i give them after

and she just said fine whatever suits you

the whole thing has made me want to break it off again because

1. i dont need this shit today
and 2. i have really tried and it still is full of problems and stuff going wrong
3. i'm concerned it can't work long term and right now i don't see the point of getting into any kind of emotional 'relationship' if it isn't going to work long term. i don't have the energy.

But, when we split up I did really miss her and when we are together things are a lot better.

I don't really know what to do. I've tried to give as accurate a thing of this as possible. I do think it's probably quite annoying to try to date me cos I need so much space and so on. I wasn't trying to be cruel by saying I didn't want to go to the funeral.

I think this is the most I've ever written, lol, so if anyone has any thoughts i'm all ears.

Offline Marty

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Re: What do I do?
« Reply #1 on: Jun 19, 2017, 12:44:00 AM »
Most people feel a bit lost and alone after they break up with someone but this will soon pass.

Forget her. She seems more trouble than she is worth. You don't need the hassle.

Get on with your life. Someone more compatible will come along at some point.

You need space so just focus on you for a while.

Good luck.  ;)

Offline Grey

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Re: What do I do?
« Reply #2 on: Jun 19, 2017, 12:37:26 PM »
It is possible to find a woman who not only respects that need for space but appreciates it

Offline wut

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Re: What do I do?
« Reply #3 on: Jun 19, 2017, 09:40:31 PM »
Thanks for your thoughts. I feel so torn on it. I still don't really know what to do but I reckon only I can work it out.

Today wasn't great either - after saying she wanted to meet tomorrow and then telling me to leave it and she didn't want to, she started texting today about wanting to meet up. I feel messed around and I'm just concerned it'll keep happening. I can't deal with all of the chopping and changing and for some reason it seems to affect me quite badly. The same thing happened on Thurs with saying to meet out at a venue, then i get a text saying is it ok if she comes to mine, then she says is 4:30 ok not 6, then she says can she come now (about 5pmish), then she texts saying she's actually going to be late.

I dropped the rose plant off, I didn't really know what else to do.

The thing is that this relationship had so many good points. She's kind and caring, and we got on really well and enjoyed spending time together. But I just don't know if I can carry on with all of this stuff or whether it's healthy to do so. I guess I decided just to leave it a few days and see how it is then.

Thanks for what you put both of you. I know deep down we may not be too good of a match