Author Topic: The awesome but not so awesome connection between two grown women  (Read 206 times)

Offline Chloee

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Hi all,

You know when you develop a deep interest in someone and there are signs to show they may also have an interest in you - or at least notice you and seem interested for some reason or another, but the both of you talk to almost every other person in the building but each other and all your communications are occasional short need-to-have conversations but mostly non-verbal? Yeah, I am in this situation, perhaps once again.

It seems like there may be something going on between a female colleague and I (won't go into too much detail about the incidences that show there may be something going on as the list would go on). Most of it is fun - we are always making eye contact/taking quick glances at each other when in the same room or passing each other in the corridors, somehow find reasons to pass/bump into each other, behave differently as soon as one of us enters the room and mostly from her part, without any direct communication, she has taken good care of me since day 1 when she notices I could do with some help (I am younger and started new at the workplace).

What I don't like about all this and would like to understand better is why we sometimes totally ignore each other? I have read tons online about the whole ignoring the person you like but they are all questions asking why 'men' do this to women and the answers are never adequate. Of course when you have passed someone more than once in a day, saying hi/smiling the first time is enough. But there are days when she does not acknowledge me at all - she sees me walking towards her but right before the moment you would smile and say hi, she looks away or looks straight ahead - it is this look basically saying 'I know you are there but by not looking at you, I want you to know that I no longer care, I am done with whatever is going on.' And then a few days later, the smile and hi is back again and then bam, back to ignoring and the same cycle goes on.

The funny but silly thing is that I sometimes do this too and it is not always because she's doing it to me. I just decide that I am not going to acknowledge her and so one would think I should know why she does it? -.- I think I sometimes do it because I am slightly sick of us having this vibe, this connection (which could of course all be in my head) but we are not moving forward. Even though I am so nervous around her and the thought of us having a long conversation freaks me out, I kind of want her to initiate a more personal conversation to break this thing between us, but she hasn't and so I slightly get mad and ignore her to try to send the message that 'oh nothing is happening between us anyway.' Perhaps she feels the same and that's why she occasionally ignores me? This is so childish but it is happening between two grown adults who are perhaps trying to at the same time suppress those feelings.

What do you think is going on? I know some of you may say I should just go make the move and initiate conversation but what I mostly want to hear from you all at this point is what you think is going on.. I do want to add that I have a feeling that if I do initiate conversation and it goes well, the very next day, we will both still pass each other and totally ignore each other and then acknowledge each other again a day or two later.. we have done this before after having short need-to-have conversations or a quick laugh together over something. So odd!

Online Jˇhanna Sigur­ardˇttir

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Re: The awesome but not so awesome connection between two grown women
« Reply #1 on: Apr 05, 2017, 07:51:20 PM »
I'm typing on a phone so am going to keep it brief but it's an interesting question. My first thought is: you know how when someone makes you feel different to how the rest of the hoi polloi makes you feel, and you act a bit differently? Suddenly you don't know how to move your hands or make the intonation in your voice natural? Well maybe this concerted effort to be cool, act natural, not be obvious, can come across as aloofness?

Offline Chloee

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Re: The awesome but not so awesome connection between two grown women
« Reply #2 on: Apr 05, 2017, 09:14:49 PM »
Could be it as I for sure put on an act at times to hide the wreck I feel inside and that can perhaps come across as disinterest. Thank you for your response!

Online Jˇhanna Sigur­ardˇttir

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Re: The awesome but not so awesome connection between two grown women
« Reply #3 on: Apr 05, 2017, 09:32:40 PM »
I also agree with the sentiment that it's a game/issue of who will break the current barrier. If it's a mutual thing, it's a bit of hesitation from both ends (maybe even stubbornness), waiting for the other party to make the move and elevate whatever it is you share.

Maybe try to talk to her more? Mysterious tension can certainly be fun - and silence can 'speak' a lot - but maybe it could be nice in another sort of way to gain some clarity. I would be annoyed if it was revealed someone liked me and was ignoring me to show it, because I generally take prolonged ignoring of me to mean I am simply not on their radar. In a similar vein, I would never want someone to assume my ignoring them was actually extra fondness towards them - necessarily. Ain't nobody got time for that mindfuckery these days.

Offline Lust for Life

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Re: The awesome but not so awesome connection between two grown women
« Reply #4 on: Apr 05, 2017, 10:47:42 PM »
Sounds like it is with investigating somehow, but is it someone senior to you in your own department? Are you able to consider switching jobs (again) if the spark is really there on both sides?

Sorry to be so practical :-\

And keep us posted, I love romance and I hope it's all loved up nerves causing the oddness!

Offline Chloee

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Re: The awesome but not so awesome connection between two grown women
« Reply #5 on: Apr 05, 2017, 11:46:01 PM »
Shouldn't be an issue in a practical sense - we work in different departments and I don't plan on staying here for too long - here for a bit of experience (she doesn't know that, yet). Though this game we may be playing is fun and the only thing keeping me going at this workplace, it would suck to leave when I do with the game unfinished.

The little incident I am sharing now is a little taster of how things go with us - ignore if you wish (just need to let it out lol)
I walking along the corridors and had to stop as there was a large group of people passing by - she was passing by on the other side and noticed I was waiting for tons of people to pass by, I notice her stop and awkwardly try to get their attention to tell them to let me pass (so cute ha) but she failed to get their attention. From afar, she then looked at me, I looked at her, I smiled/chuckled and told her that I'm good, she said ok whilst also smiling/chuckling and left. That was sweet of her! BUT THEN..

The very next day, we walk passed each other with a straight face and totally avoid eye contact like we don't know who the other is (I look and notice her do it so I then look away and do the same). IS THIS EVEN NORMAL?!

To add to this, She was standing at the top of the stairs I was walking up - she was looking down and talking to someone all the way down at the bottom of the stairs so she could clearly see me come up. There were other people at the top of the staircase not paying attention so she would have to move aside to let me through or I'd have to squeeze through - guess what? She didn't move!
I was surprised because she's the first to move people out the way to allow me, and I am sure other people, to pass by so why was she just standing there! In my head, I am thinking, it is a little of her purposely not acknowledging me but also her wanting me to squeeze past so that we could make physical contact - course I am down for that. If you, the reader, think otherwise about why she didn't move, please share. Anyway, I continue walking up on the side she was standing and only moved to the left, where the tiny space for me to get through was, and squeezed through when I got super close to her but unfortunately failed to get at least our shoulders to touch - grrr!

Offline Lust for Life

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Re: The awesome but not so awesome connection between two grown women
« Reply #6 on: Apr 07, 2017, 09:49:21 PM »
Ask her out :D