Author Topic: Homophobic bullying in my daughter's class. How best to tackle?  (Read 260 times)

Offline Suzi

  • Gingerbeer Goddess
  • *****
  • Posts: 823
  • Gingerbeer.co.uk - The Lesbian Guide
Hi,

Obviously I'm furious, but I want to go about this in the most affective way.

My daughter is 10 (year 5) and yes, she's had the odd snigger when she's said her mum is marrying a woman, but nothing which has been massively concerning. Still not nice though obviously.

This incident doesn't actually involve my daughter, in the sense it wasn't directed at her. It was a boy calling another boy a "gay boy" and that he better not be gay, or he and no one else will be his friend anymore.

My daughter said she wanted to stick up for him and mention my gf and I and say it was normal etc, but was worried they would start teasing her. She's never felt like she couldn't be open and proud about our family before, so I don't want her confidence to become eroded.

It's not just about protecting my daughter and the boy, it's about the reality that statistically there will be kids in that class who are already wondering, or are confused about their feelings and this kind of talk, could seriously hinder their ability to just naturally discover who they are. It could set them back years! Something I'm sure many of you are very familiar with. I certainly am.

I know there are a lot of teachers on here, so it would be good to get your prospective too.

I have a meeting arranged with the HT. I plan to ask how much diversity, including LGBT families, are included in their PSHE. I believe they should come down really hard and have a zero tolerance approach, as they would with racism.

I would really appreciate some beeries advice and opinions on this.

Thanks

Online Artist

  • Gingerbeer Goddess
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,657
  • artist of life
Re: Homophobic bullying in my daughter's class. How best to tackle?
« Reply #1 on: Mar 22, 2017, 12:48:42 PM »
That is very serious issue. Children bullies always find the reason to bully someone. And LGBT bulling has deeper and complex consequences which bullies are ignorant and unaware of. I am sure school has anti bulling policy and this is just one of the bullying cases using exclusion from the group and discriminating a boy for being gay. That boy doesn't even hav to be gay but they are picking on him and using that as the reason. Your post really made me think about this. I have found this article -
http://parentinfo.org/article/tackling-lgbt-bullying-at-school
http://parentinfo.org/article/top-tips-if-your-child-is-being-bullied

I will definitely be following this thread!
Let us know how it went with HT.
“Expectations are resentments under construction.”
― Anne Lamott

Offline Suzi

  • Gingerbeer Goddess
  • *****
  • Posts: 823
  • Gingerbeer.co.uk - The Lesbian Guide
Re: Homophobic bullying in my daughter's class. How best to tackle?
« Reply #2 on: Mar 22, 2017, 03:59:34 PM »
Artist, you're right. Like most types of childhood bullying, the bully doesn't understand the long term emotional effects of their behaviour. They need to be educated. Prevention is better than the cure, but if the bullying is already taking place, the consequences should be tough.

Online Artist

  • Gingerbeer Goddess
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,657
  • artist of life
Re: Homophobic bullying in my daughter's class. How best to tackle?
« Reply #3 on: Mar 22, 2017, 06:50:32 PM »
^ Absolutelly. You have done a great thing to arrange that meeting. I wonder what is the view of the HT.
“Expectations are resentments under construction.”
― Anne Lamott

Offline Vickilipstick

  • Gingerbeer Scene Queen
  • ***
  • Posts: 101
  • Gingerbeer.co.uk - The Lesbian Guide
Re: Homophobic bullying in my daughter's class. How best to tackle?
« Reply #4 on: Mar 23, 2017, 12:06:44 AM »
Artist, you're right. Like most types of childhood bullying, the bully doesn't understand the long term emotional effects of their behaviour. They need to be educated. Prevention is better than the cure, but if the bullying is already taking place, the consequences should be tough.

I think you are 110% correct that the bullies have absolutely no awareness (certainly at that age) of what the consequences are for the victim.

I often wonder about a few of the things i did at school (and out of school) and how those people are now. I remember being around your daughters age when i did a really horrible thing to a girl at school. It has nothing to do with homophobic behaviour, but was cruel nonetheless. However, if someone had said something to me then, would i have understood the consequences? Im really not sure. Saying that, I absolutely do think that bullying should be taken far more seriously. Especially that nowdays kids cant even get away from it when they leave school, due to facebook at the like. Bullying awareness should start in some form from day 1 schooling.


Offline Suzi

  • Gingerbeer Goddess
  • *****
  • Posts: 823
  • Gingerbeer.co.uk - The Lesbian Guide
Re: Homophobic bullying in my daughter's class. How best to tackle?
« Reply #5 on: Mar 24, 2017, 12:39:27 PM »
Vick, completely agree.

Annoyingly, just spoke to my daughter's dad about it and he said "It's just words. Is it really that bad? Don't you think you're overreacting?" Pft.

Online Artist

  • Gingerbeer Goddess
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,657
  • artist of life
Re: Homophobic bullying in my daughter's class. How best to tackle?
« Reply #6 on: Mar 24, 2017, 09:53:25 PM »
Vick, completely agree.

Annoyingly, just spoke to my daughter's dad about it and he said "It's just words. Is it really that bad? Don't you think you're overreacting?" Pft.

That is what people say 'Its just words' but that is how problem starts. That is how bully gets confidence. That is the first stag of bullying. It ciuld well stop at that but who knows.

http://www.dealingwithbullying.com/Bullying-Levels.html
“Expectations are resentments under construction.”
― Anne Lamott

Offline Pusseycat

  • Gingerbeer Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 4
  • Gingerbeer.co.uk - The Lesbian Guide
Re: Homophobic bullying in my daughter's class. How best to tackle?
« Reply #7 on: Mar 26, 2017, 04:39:32 AM »
It's a sad fact that these bullies usually are from families who sense of discipline is a chaotic one. Where, very rarely, are explanations given to the child to allow them to understanding why they are feeling and behaving as they do.

I think more should be done by the school's themselves. Perhaps have some young actors role playing these dramas to the children and have questions and answers sessions afterwards to relate the emotions the children are feeling.

Another good thing seems to be that there is quite a few songs about bullying. Again, this allows the children to act out these scenarios, whether from the victim or bullying role, so that they can understand their motives better.

Good luck to your daughter. She has evidently had a supportive mother which has enabled her to have enough self esteem that she can stand up as an individual. Even at the young age of ten. That's a very good sign..