Author Topic: The Kids Are All Right- does anyone else find the affair confusing or offensive?  (Read 457 times)

Online Suzi

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Hi, (SPOILER ALERT!)

That is the 'correct' spelling btw  ???

So I really like this film. I think it's brilliantly acted, especially Benning. I think the story is very believable and putting the affair aside, is likely to be very relatable.

My girlfriend and I have watched it a couple of times already and overall, she likes it too. However, the last time I suggested watching it, she said the last time she saw it she found it quite offensive and doesn't want to watch it again. She just doesn't understand how a woman who identifies as gay, could suddenly be so sexually attracted to a man. Yes, sexuality is on a spectrum and identifying as gay doesn't mean you're never attracted to the opposite sex, just as being straight doesn't mean you'll never be attracted to your own sex. But, I think my girlfriend's point was how intense the affair was. It was very raw and animalistic. I think she could understand if it was more an emotional affair, but then sexuality is so complicated and it's different for everyone.

My take on it was maybe Nic (Moore) was so attracted to Paul because he was the biological father of her children and so maybe on some subconscious level, is craving his sperm??..

My girlfriend is having none of it though and just says it's offensive to lesbians and is unrealistic. This is a lesbian who says it would be impossible for her to be sexually attracted to a man, so clearly she can't relate.

To those of you who have seen it, what do you think? Be interesting to see what your thoughts are.

Online Suzi

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Oh and also, Nic seems to find the sex with him far more satisfying than with her wife. The sex is shot as though this is what she's been craving for a long time. This is where I understand my girlfriend's point.

Azalea

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I loved the film (haven't seen it for ages) and also thought the actors were all brilliant BUT also had huge issues with a couple of things. Firstly how Julianne Moore was sooo excited when she undressed the guy, very "wow look what I've been missing out on all this time!" and that they watched gay man porn. Though I get that some lesbians do, just felt like one message was there have to be men involved for women to get really turned on.

But I also thought there was probably a subconscious attraction because he was the father of her kids, really interesting. And I don't have a problem with women identifying as lesbians finding themselves unexpectedly attracted to a man any more than I do with a straight woman falling in love with another woman etc. Gender fluidity and all that. And the above didn't stop me liking the film as a whole but I know a lot of lesbians who raved about it and wondered why I was the only one with issues with it.

Offline Artist

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I don't get it either. Probably one of those movies made in this way so it makes more money. It is like when in every lesbian movie, main character, lesbian, had to die in the end, go mad or switch to heterosexuality - also unrealistic.
I liked a movie because it is funny and focuses on some problems but I think that affair just spoiled the movie. Shame really.
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Offline Tired & Confused

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There should be a ratings system:
Divorced 2
Beheaded 0
Died 1
Divorced 2
Beheaded 0
Survived 3

Lived happily ever after 10

Films with 3 surviving and one dead lesbian = one living happily ever after, etc. If they'd be good enough to include this, succinctly, like they do for 'moderate nudity', perhaps with the words 'moderate lesbian joy', it'd be so helpful.

Offline Grey

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dyke rating might help

it's like in

Cloudburst with Olympia Dukakis and Brenda Fricker two fuccking brilliant actors and some very witty dialogue-the diner scene alone is worth it

but they just had to have TWO NAKED men
neither have sex with the two leads but we're subjected to one of the men discussing not being able to get it up in some stage production or something
and the presence of either men adds not a single thing to the plot
except apparently two old dykes that have been together for decades have to have willies waving around

it's spittingly maddening

Online Suzi

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Azalea, yes. It was her excitement at seeing his...area, that I was a bit  ??? at. I think the writers thought they'd covered that, or explained that when her and her wife were explaining to their son why they get excited when seeing a penis (when he discovers they watch male gay porn), saying that normally a woman's sexuality is internalised, so sometimes it's exciting to see something external, like a penis. I'm aware that this (watching gay male porn) is quite common with lesbians, but I'm not sure actually wanting a penis is.


Online Suzi

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Oops- just realised I got the characters mixed up. Jules  was so attracted to Paul, not Nic.

Offline Wolfgang

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Oh and also, Nic seems to find the sex with him far more satisfying than with her wife. The sex is shot as though this is what she's been craving for a long time. This is where I understand my girlfriend's point.

I've only seen it once, but…

1. Maybe their marital sex has got a bit meh?

2. It's Mark Ruffalo.  Everyone should get a pass for Mark Ruffalo.

Offline Lust for Life

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I was a bit miffed at the idea that it was somehow normal to want to sleep with the donor of your child. Not least because my mother told me after my first child was born that 'all women want to gave sex with a man after having children' (I think she rembered that rather wrong, myself, I think an awful lot of hets scream 'never again' during childbirth). Anyway, I have met my child's donor and did not sleep with him, nor want to, but the film made me feel everyone would think I would want to, which added to the stress of the whole thing even more.

And I am not convinced that it's massively common for lesbians to watch gay male porn either. I don't discuss this with any lesbians any more but in my younger days I did and no-one I knew talked about it back then, and no-one I have ever known 'intimately' has ever suggested it either. So apart from the fact they say it's normal in this one film which has been viewed by millions, does anyone remember just 'knowing' it was common before the film came out?

But yes, Wolfie, their marital sex and relationship in general had gone a bit off the boil and things can happen. Even that could happen in real life, but it bothered me a bit because so much of it did seem credible, and it was watched by loads of straight people, who may have assumed that this was typical. That is the danger still because there are still very few mainstream films about lesbians. No one thinks all straight people are 'like in that film' because there are so so so many films about straight people.
« Last Edit: Mar 11, 2017, 08:38:12 PM by Lust for Life »

Azalea

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That must've been really annoying LFL, I sympathise! It didn't make me think this would be a common scenario, just added another angle, but I can imagine some people would assume it happens a lot. I don't know any lesbians who watch gay man porn either and didn't agree with the reasoning in the film, have no idea how common it is IRL.

Online Suzi

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I've heard lesbians describe the gay male porn thing as a turn on, because it's more 'real'. However, these aren't lesbians I personally know.


Offline Musette

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Personally I don't like having any men in the porn I watch. I find it a complete turn off.
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a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D

Offline Earl

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Someone or even a couple of women on here (albeit a long time ago), said they enjoyed this. And I was thinking.. '..wtf..really'?

I'm another 'men in porn is a 'no''.
Nye Bevan, 'the NHS will exist for only as long as the people fight for it'...or something like that.