Author Topic: How to deal with having done bad things in the past  (Read 536 times)

Offline outoforder

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How to deal with having done bad things in the past
« on: Feb 04, 2017, 09:07:30 PM »
x
« Last Edit: Feb 05, 2017, 12:16:42 PM by outoforder »

Azalea

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Re: How to deal with having done bad things in the past
« Reply #1 on: Feb 04, 2017, 09:51:20 PM »
Yes you can. You've always come across as being very empathetic and warm and I'm sure if someone asked you this question about themselves you'd reply with compassion. So try to give yourself that much. It doesn't do anyone any good to carry around this guilt, you're a good person who made mistakes and has learnt from them.

Offline Grey

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Re: How to deal with having done bad things in the past
« Reply #2 on: Feb 04, 2017, 11:19:26 PM »
OoO
Most everyone has something in their past
With time and obviously no small effort on your part you've evolved so far beyond
Just be who you are!-everything Azalea says  ;D

(you could maybe try something in lieu of apologies? -donate to a charity or the like-and send the healing energy out into the universe? The deliberate ritual of that might be significant enough)

alana

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Re: How to deal with having done bad things in the past
« Reply #3 on: Feb 05, 2017, 12:08:52 AM »
Try reading about self compassion - three elements of s.c.
I can see you are feeling  guilty but also lots of shame. It helps if you separate feelings of guilt and shame.
Shame is saying to yourself you are wrong, bad as a person. Shame also becomes worse with silence, secrecy so you don't want to talk about it and feel even more shame and think you are the only one in the world with that problem. Talking about it helps. Shame then disappears.
Guilt is - I have done wrong thing -  it is behaviour not that you as person are flawed and wrong etc.
Hope these few tools help you.



Offline outoforder

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Re: How to deal with having done bad things in the past
« Reply #4 on: Feb 06, 2017, 09:58:34 PM »
Thanks people. x

Offline Lust for Life

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Re: How to deal with having done bad things in the past
« Reply #5 on: Feb 09, 2017, 06:31:40 AM »
((oOo))

I think I missed your original post in this thread but I seem to remember a similar post once before. This is clearly something you've been struggling wth for a while, in any case.

Another thing that might help is that we literally can't turn back the clock, but we can change the future. You can be a better person if you manage not to be paralysed by guilt or shame. A bit of guilt or shame is, in my view, actually a good thing because it helps us to make better choices next time, but if it's so much that it's dominating our lives then that doesn't help anyone.

Try to forgive your younger self. Your current and future self wouldn't do those things again.

And remember as well that you were brought up in a culture that is big on guilt and shame. That doesn't make it right or necessary! (The infamous 'stiff upper lip' doesn't have a lot going for it either). Thousands of lemmings can be wrong, and they were set up anyway.

Onwards and upwards!

Offline valerie

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Re: How to deal with having done bad things in the past
« Reply #6 on: Feb 20, 2017, 01:12:36 PM »
OoO
Most everyone has something in their past
With time and obviously no small effort on your part you've evolved so far beyond
Just be who you are!-everything Azalea says  ;D

(you could maybe try something in lieu of apologies? -donate to a charity or the like-and send the healing energy out into the universe? The deliberate ritual of that might be significant enough)
excellent!
????????????????????
   ???????????????????

Offline Xof the Elder

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Re: How to deal with having done bad things in the past
« Reply #7 on: Mar 25, 2017, 10:56:25 PM »
One of the most challenging things in dealing with the past is having other people be receptive to you if you're sorry or want to apologise. You can't always 'make things right'. One of the most surprising things about getting older is that people seem to give fewer chances, forgive less and be less open to remaining friends than when you're younger. That surprised me. Most of my ex partners pre-30s I'm still on good terms with, after that, some really important relationships who Infelt very close to, closed off to me forever. That unforgiveness hurts. In these cases, how can you deal with it? There's  no discourse.

I like the idea of just paying it forward to the world at large, firstly, you've got no bloody choice not to and secondly, I find a magical thing tends to happen when I give out to the world and that is I receive back almost exactly what I put out and often within 24 hours. I need to test that again, synchronicities like that are the best in life
Quizas, quizas, quizas....