Author Topic: Hi Mates 😊  (Read 919 times)

Offline girlfriday

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Hi Mates 😊
« on: Dec 06, 2016, 05:14:48 AM »
So I'm back now to posting after having taken a year off and boy it's good to be back.

Anyways - had an experience where my ex gf's close friend passed away.  I felt bad for my ex as as she was mourning around and so I sent flowers to her home. I know she received them because I had them delivered and received a notification.
 
It's been a week and she hasn't thanked me.  Honestly, I wasn't expecting anything from her, but the more I think about it the more I feel that it communicates a big, "go fuck yourself."

Any thoughts?   

Last time we spoke she invited me out on a date and then cancelled it last minute angrily texting me to leave her alone.  I don't know what I did for her to be so angry at me.  :'(

I'm not expecting a solution just came in with a bang and to vent  :(

lil_moomin

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #1 on: Dec 06, 2016, 08:48:46 AM »
I know it isn't ideal that she hasn't sent an acknowledgement to you and it was kind you sent flowers but her friend just died so try to cut her some slack. She might not be in much contact with anyone and it's not a good time to draw anything from anyone's behaviour. It might not be a "fuck yourself" at all.

The other situation about the date, that sounds completely confusing, maybe ask her at another time - not right now - so you can get some clarity on it.

Good luck.

Offline Trifle

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #2 on: Dec 06, 2016, 09:42:02 PM »
Yes, I wouldn't want to read too much into it as she's probably feeling really down about her friend. I'd give her space and just leave it up to her to contact me if she wanted to. How long ago was it when you last spoke and she cancelled the date?

Offline girlfriday

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #3 on: Dec 06, 2016, 10:45:24 PM »
Yes, I wouldn't want to read too much into it as she's probably feeling really down about her friend. I'd give her space and just leave it up to her to contact me if she wanted to. How long ago was it when you last spoke and she cancelled the date?

About a month   :-[

Offline Musette

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #4 on: Dec 07, 2016, 12:39:35 AM »
I'm always dismayed by people who expect gratitude (my mother does it a lot). If you want to do something nice, do it for its own sake or don't bother. Don't do it because you expect, or feel you deserve, gratitude.

I know my mum does stuff for me sometimes and mostly I say thanks (obviously I do if she's right there) because it's the natural, kind and polite thing to do. But sometimes I'm up to eyeballs in shit, and remembering to say thank you for something, especially something remote (ie, she's not there in front of me), isn't top of my priority list. It's not that I don't mean to, I just sometimes forget. But for my mum everything is always about her, no matter what is going on in anyone else's life.

For all I  know your friend has snubbed you deliberately, true, but don't automatically make everything about you, ok?
"U r a multifaceted dark horse. Oh yes you are..."

a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D

Offline PushingThru

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #5 on: Dec 07, 2016, 01:22:26 AM »
It depends. I've been the recipient and both the doer of this kind of behaviour. It depends on each scenario. It is possible that she's forgotten you and it's not a giant "fuck you". Is it possible she is more on your mind, than you are hers - and are you ok with that? It's also possible that she senses some intent from you. Possibly just that you want her attention, possibly that you want to get back together. Have either of you talked about this? Maybe she doesn't want the friendship as much as you do. And maybe she's just grieving and can't put anyone else's needs to the forefront right now.
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Offline girlfriday

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #6 on: Dec 08, 2016, 04:23:55 PM »
It depends. I've been the recipient and both the doer of this kind of behaviour. It depends on each scenario. It is possible that she's forgotten you and it's not a giant "fuck you". Is it possible she is more on your mind, than you are hers - and are you ok with that? It's also possible that she senses some intent from you. Possibly just that you want her attention, possibly that you want to get back together. Have either of you talked about this? Maybe she doesn't want the friendship as much as you do. And maybe she's just grieving and can't put anyone else's needs to the forefront right now.

I think it's what I've highlighted in bold.  But still, even if I sensed that an ex wanted to get back with me, I'd still thank them.  I would feel as if I'm being rude, but that is just me.

Offline Musette

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #7 on: Dec 08, 2016, 05:14:46 PM »
I notice, girlfriday, that you haven't responded or said thank you to everyone who has posted on here with a view to offering their thoughts as requested by you.
I'm not bothered, but it just demonstrates how easy it is to take things for granted, or not express your appreciation etc, because you are busy, or pre-occupied, or because it just doesn't occur to you...
"U r a multifaceted dark horse. Oh yes you are..."

a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D

Offline girlfriday

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #8 on: Dec 08, 2016, 06:58:28 PM »
Musette,  with all due respect, it is not the norm to thank everyone who posts on an internet chat board, even if they are answering a post of yours.  But I do thank you all anyways, and I am in no form being sarcastic, although it may come across that way.


Offline cigarettes and matches

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #9 on: Dec 08, 2016, 09:21:15 PM »
I agree with musette
I owe a special thanks to someone who enabled me to turn my dream into a reality

Offline Lust for Life

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #10 on: Dec 08, 2016, 10:25:41 PM »
Girlfriday, I think Musette just meant that not everyone has the same 'rules' for saying thank you.

I would call and say thank you for birthday flowers but would never expect to be thanked for funeral/condolence flowers.

Sounds like there were mixed messages between the two of you over the date  thing and it also sounds like your ex is not interested in getting back together at the moment. I would leave it a good while, let her get in touch or see how it goes if you bump into each other.

Offline Chewwy

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #11 on: Dec 08, 2016, 11:09:35 PM »
^  and y'know... the irony of it.   :D

But good to see you back again. 
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Offline Musette

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #12 on: Dec 09, 2016, 12:29:58 AM »
Yes, exactly what LfL and Chewwy said :)

Also, if you do something for someone that is entirely unsolicited, whilst it is nice and polite for them to thank you, you cannot impose a duty of gratitude on them for giving them something (or doing something for them etc) that they didn't ask for and might not actually want.
"U r a multifaceted dark horse. Oh yes you are..."

a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D

Offline Chewwy

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #13 on: Dec 09, 2016, 03:08:48 AM »
Musette,  with all due respect, it is not the norm to thank everyone who posts on an internet chat board, even if they are answering a post of yours.  But I do thank you all anyways, and I am in no form being sarcastic, although it may come across that way.

 I hope you get what we're saying girlfriday, we're definitely not being mean in our replies.   

and when I say 'we', I mean me initially, but y'know...
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Offline girlfriday

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Re: Hi Mates 😊
« Reply #14 on: Dec 09, 2016, 06:12:38 AM »
Well it's good, I mean- GREAT to be back here.

And I thank you all for your outstanding advise.   :)