Author Topic: Trouble at a bar  (Read 816 times)

Offline projectX

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Trouble at a bar
« on: Nov 17, 2016, 07:00:28 PM »
Until very recently, I used to frequent a bar where I have made many friends, and where I have felt comfortable going - especially during happy hours.   

One day, on a friday night, I met someone whom I eventually started to date - there was just so much chemistry between the two of us, having made somewhat of a, "soul connection."  However, the person used to deal drugs, and to make a long story short, I had asked her not to distribute while we're both out on a date.  She agreed, and without going into details, the two of us made plans for her to concentrate on her education and on her career.

About a week after we made the agreement - the female (and also gay) bartender over at the bar where we frequent, came up to the two of us and asked her for coke.  My girlfriend  - who is very close friends with that bartender, whipped out her phone and started to dial the drug dealer's number right in front of me.  I was upset - not necessarily that she would facilitate the drug deal, but that she would violate - for lack of a better word - our agreement.

I asked her, " Why can't the bartender get her own drugs? Why do you have to be in the middle of it"  My girlfriend responded by taking a business card from the bar, and writing the drug dealer's number on it and then by giving it to the bartender. 

Two days after that drug deal and my arguing with my girlfriend about it, she and I broke up - mostly by her sending me a text message, and my agreeing to it.

Yet, ever since that day, the bartender started to provide me with substandard service, and encouraged a bullying type of behavior towards me.  This is a list of what she has done over the course of a year's time:

- Delayed her service to me by serving people who come after me
- Does free shots with the friends whom I bring in, but excludes me
- When the bar is half empty or slow - sees me waiting at the bar, but goes to her phone and waits until others come after me to serve them instead
- Has flipped me off once
- Has asked me to, "get the fuck out of my way" when she collected empty glasses around the bar
- Has asked me to, "get that piece of shit phone out of my bar" when I have laid down my phone on the bar (even though the two persons next to me have had their mobile devices on the table as well)
- When I go and say hello to her, she quickly turns her head but says hello to the friends I'm with

There are some more that I don't recall at the moment.

Recently, I see my ex girlfriend, and I go up to her, and we sort of catch up, but I bring up the subject of the bartender.  I tell her that I believe that the bartender has been offering me substandard treatment because of the day of the drug deal, and that perhaps that bartender feels uncomfortable that I know this information.

My ex girlfriend then answers, "Well, everyone knows about her addiction, so it can't be that.  It is because she's in love with me, and I will never give her the opportunity that I have given you"

I answer, "That's ridiculous, we are broken up for over a year now.  I still think it's the drug thing. 

So my ex answers, "Do you want me to speak to her"

And I reply, "No.  Let me do so, or perhaps I will just not go during the hours that she's there."

A week later, lo and behold, I receive a text message from one of my friends to go to the bar, and I go during a time that that bartender is not there - or at least I think she's not, and what happens?  The bartender comes up to me and tells me, "I don't want you to come here anymore during my shifts"

She then walks away.

So I approach her and ask to speak with her in private.  Instead, she begins to yell at me in front of everyone and says,  "You have been speaking a lot of shit about me!!!  I am sick and tired of your gossip - you are such a gossip, gossiper is what you are!! My best friend, your ex told me everything!!!  And I hope you feel bad about yourself - once you even gossiped to me about me!!!   I just don't want you here during my shifts"

I ask her, "Well, why have you been offering me substandard service?"

She replies by more of the above. 

I get annoyed at her behavior towards me, so I tell her, "My ex girlfriend told me that it's because you're in love with her"

The bartender starts laughing angrily and responds, "She's my best friend and you are a nobody, so I will never believe you over her!!!"

At this point, I just walk away.

Up to this day, I don't understand what I have done to her, nor why she has provided me with the substandard treatment.

What I do know though, is that removing me during her shifts would not end a so-called gossip problem.  What it would do though - is avoid her having to deal with seeing me - it would eliminate the reason why she is angry at me.

So I'm wondering, if I fell into her trap, and now she has succeeded in getting rid of having to see me.  Also, I feel a sense of abuse - like either I should report it or something.  I don't know what to do.  I can always not go during her shifts, but honestly, she has labeled me a "gossip" by yelling at me in front of all of those people, and may have made me sort of unpopular (as she's very click-ish and somewhat popular at that bar and in the local LGBT community as a whole). 

I haven't returned since that time because of how uncomfortable she has made me feel in front of all.

What would you do?  I feel a sense of injustice.
« Last Edit: Nov 17, 2016, 07:06:51 PM by projectX »

Offline outoforder

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Re: Trouble at a bar
« Reply #1 on: Nov 17, 2016, 07:59:06 PM »
Ignore her, while watching your back?

Offline Trifle

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Re: Trouble at a bar
« Reply #2 on: Dec 17, 2016, 09:19:38 PM »
How much do you trust your ex? It sounds like she might have quite a big part to play in it.
If you do trust her I would talk to her about it and see if she can talk to the bartender - if they are such good friends maybe she can diffuse the situation a bit. But yes, it sounds very childish and it is not acceptable for the bartender to behave like that towards you. I would certainly be tempted to make a complaint, although I'd weigh that up with how large the backlash might be.