Author Topic: Hi - newbie and in a state of flux!  (Read 2151 times)

Offline catastrojb

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Hi - newbie and in a state of flux!
« on: Sep 21, 2016, 05:41:52 PM »
Hi all. This is my first post....and I'm so relieved to have found somewhere like this. I'm totally all over the place at the moment and would appreciate some grounding!

My history (as brief as I can) is that I have always thought I was basically straight with a few girl crushes, nothing that has led anywhere. I was married and have three amazing children but that broke down a couple of years ago (his choice, but it's worked out well and we are very amicable). Since then, and not so recently, I feel very much like I have changed. I have had a very strong feelings towards a few women (one that I'm really struggling with at the moment because I can never tell her), and now know that I am most definitely not heterosexual. In fact, although I still find a few men attractive, there is no desire and I have no wish to pursue a relationship with a man.

What do I do now?! I'm 39, and not really in a position to get out much to meet people - although I'm about to start university so that will help. I'd love to explore this further and actually date a woman  ;D but I have no idea how to go about this. Somehow the old standard meet someone fancy them ask them out seems fraught with danger if that someone is actually female.... I don't know anyone else to actually talk to IRL!

Offline Musette

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Re: Hi - newbie and in a state of flux!
« Reply #1 on: Sep 22, 2016, 12:07:05 AM »
Hi, catastrojb, welcome to GB!
There are plenty of us who were once where you are now, and it is scary, but think of it as an adventure!

I don't know where you live or which uni you are going to, but they are bound to have some sort of LGBT society or support available, so get in touch with them.

There aren't as many GB meet ups as there used to be, but there's plenty of other things going on if you look in the Meeting Up section and Commercial Events, although these tend to be mostly in London.

There's also Meetup: where you can find all sorts of social groups.

It's best to start meeting people and make friends, gain some confidence and then worry about dating etc.
But when you feel brave enough, online dating is a thing too these days :)
"U r a multifaceted dark horse. Oh yes you are..."

a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D

Offline Lust for Life

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Re: Hi - newbie and in a state of flux!
« Reply #2 on: Sep 25, 2016, 09:55:27 AM »
Hi catastrojb,

Welcome to gb!

Good tips from Musette there! The great thing about online dating is that it works like setting up your own blind date, where both parties have agreed to give it a whirl based on something the other one has said in their profile or by instant message/online chat. Or based on a picture, there is that ::) ;) but no one looks like their picture and attraction is 3D with added sound and smell, so the picture is almost pointless, in my opinion... So, it pretty much gets rid of the need to bravely ask out a stranger, but on the downside you have no idea if you'll fancy each other until after agreeing to meet up. Last time I was single I did all the different social things to meet people, including Internet dating. That's how I met my wife. But before our first date, I said to someone who asked if I had a date that evening that I didn't know, but that I was meeting someone and it had the potential to be a date :)

Offline Jaxx37

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Re: Hi - newbie and in a state of flux!
« Reply #3 on: Sep 29, 2016, 08:14:50 PM »

Welcome to GB! Lots of great advice here but I just wanted to say definitely go to the nearest LGBT meetup in your area, I followed that advice from some of the folks on here, went to a group they recommended and within a few months I met my girlfriend - we've now been together for well over a year and I'm so blessed to have her! I know it's a scary thought going from a place where everyone assumes you're heterosexual to embracing your true self but it's an amazing journey and as hard as it can be sometimes it will be well worth it when you meet someone who you have that special connection with. Good luck, I wish you much fun, love and laughter in your future!

People who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

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Offline Elina

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Re: Hi - newbie and in a state of flux!
« Reply #4 on: Oct 05, 2016, 10:56:05 PM »

I just wanted to say that my cousin was in the same situation as you. 2 kids, late thirties/early forties, had only ever dated guys. Divorced husband for other reasons (amicable split). She then tried dating ONE woman, and fell for her! They are now a couple, and she is super happy. So is the whole family. Everything has gone so well. My cousin's girlfriend also has kids, and had never dated a woman before either. So they really understand each other.

I just wanted to share this... You can do it! :)