Author Topic: Help with love life  (Read 1222 times)

Offline Beech

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Help with love life
« on: Jul 08, 2016, 09:27:01 AM »
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« Last Edit: Jul 21, 2016, 04:56:05 PM by Beech »

Offline MzB

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Re: Help with love life
« Reply #1 on: Jul 08, 2016, 11:07:57 AM »
I think you have the right to be upset as she has gone against your agreement (and she herself said she would be hurt if you went with someone else). I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to point that out - but you will need to overcome your hurt and anger a bit first. If it were me, I would step back from sex/relationship at this point.

But as you say, you were not calling it a relationship yet. And you will need to think about how this has affected your underlying friendship.


Offline MzB

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Re: Help with love life
« Reply #2 on: Jul 08, 2016, 12:51:31 PM »
If you can, I'd suggest that you talk to her. Because if you bottle it up, it could be corrosive for you. And if you talk you can set clear boundaries - e.g. not to connect with her for at least a couple of months while your feelings settle. No need for immediate decisions.

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Re: Help with love life
« Reply #3 on: Jul 08, 2016, 10:30:02 PM »
She's stamped on your boundaries, and may do again. So I'd be tempted to call it a day.

Saga N

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Re: Help with love life
« Reply #4 on: Jul 09, 2016, 03:06:25 PM »
You've got all the alarm bells ringing - heed them and show yourself some love.  :)

Offline Medusa

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Re: Help with love life
« Reply #5 on: Jul 11, 2016, 05:51:41 PM »
^ Yep, that. All of the rest, too. Anyone who's started dicking you around this early on is going to bring nothing but heartache.
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Offline Medusa

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Re: Help with love life
« Reply #6 on: Jul 11, 2016, 06:49:44 PM »
Hard to say for sure. Is that the most important question, though?
For me, I'd more asking myself, ' Can x meet my needs? Can I meet hers? Are we singing from the same sheet?' rather than 'What is making her behave like an arse?'

But then I possibly have a short fuse for arsey behaviour.
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Offline Meryl Streep Fan Club

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Re: Help with love life
« Reply #7 on: Jul 13, 2016, 06:50:41 PM »
@ Beech. Sorry to hear you have been messed around in this way.

Decades of experience has taught me that what women say and think they want, is often very different from what they actually want and the way they act.

I don't think they always set out to be deceitful, but they just do not have the knowledge or confidence to openly communicate what they want.

I also think that a lot of people jump into the norms of monogamy very quickly without considering the implications.

However, there is no excuse for poor behaviour, we all deserve better.

Personally, I quickly walk away from anyone who demonstrates deceitful behaviours. I just think that a relationship that starts with such dodgy foundations is not one I am willing to take a chance on. With this woman, you just need to decide what your own boundaries are.

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Offline Meryl Streep Fan Club

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Re: Help with love life
« Reply #8 on: Jul 14, 2016, 10:02:51 AM »
I have just re-read your posts and there seems to be quite a bit of confusion over what this is. Not a relationship, but to be kept monogamous? That sounds a bit contradictory and unclear and destined for disaster.

From what you say, she has been quite honest and up-front with you, telling you quite early on that she is attracted to someone else and wants to be non-monogamous. That is very different from going behind your back and reneging on any agreement you might have.  It gives you the choice of being in a non-monogamous relationship with her or not. You might not like her approach, but she has not actually done anything wrong. So, I think, from reading your posts, she has taken responsibility.

You have only been seeing each other for a month, that is hardly any time at all to really get to grips what you want from each other and perhaps she is exploring her feelings. Perhaps it is just a friendship that got a bit physical and now she is looking for a way out, who knows.

I still think you need to decide what you want, both in terms of a relationship with her, but also with your long term friendship.

Sometimes we just need to walk away. 
You are truly Delightful!

Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.

Made in 1965. All original parts.