Author Topic: What would you do?  (Read 3208 times)

mobius

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What would you do?
« on: Jun 01, 2016, 11:06:32 PM »
I have been crushing on someone at work since xmas. It didn't hit me straight away, probably because I've been contentedly single for a long time - but, since it did, I haven't been able to get her out of my mind.

I work in the classroom of a hospital school, and she's one of the therapists upstairs. We don't naturally cross each other's path.

At first I thought I was getting signals from her - holding eye contact *long* after I would expect someone to look away, visiting the classroom to collect youngsters for a session and always seeming to sit near me and make conversation... but the combination of my anxiety when trying to talk to a woman I fancy, the inappropriateness of flirting in the classroom, and not knowing if she's into me or just generally terribly friendly have all made it difficult to pursue.

I did come into work unnecessarily one half term under the pretence of some paperwork, and headed up to her office hoping to make conversation, but then nearly had a heart attack walking to the door, lost the power to speak when I saw her sitting there chatting with a colleague, even though she blatantly invited me in, and promptly crawled back downstairs fighting to breathe!

But to cut a long story short, she's leaving in a couple of weeks, and I'm leaving a few weeks after that, and I don't have her number, and I don't think she knows I like her, and the timing just never seems to be right to let her know.

If she's not into me, then that's fine. But if I never let her know that I'm into her before we head off in different directions, I'll regret it. So, given that everytime I see her my knees go weak and my vocabulary melts out my ears, I would appreciate advice.

What would you do?


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oldbutnew

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #1 on: Jun 01, 2016, 11:19:30 PM »
welcome back Mobius.   I don't know you but I have been around since 2004 and like to see old familiar names.   

I was in a similar position at work.   The woman was a contract worker and naturally her contact came to an end and wasn't renewed.   She had a leaving do at the local pub and I went along.  Needless to say, she brought her partner along (a man).   I have nothing useful to say except find out if she is gay or bisexual first.  The woman at my work was simply being friendly. 
« Last Edit: Jun 01, 2016, 11:25:31 PM by oldbutnew »

mobius

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #2 on: Jun 01, 2016, 11:46:27 PM »
Thanks obn :)

I've had that advice from others... but it still leaves me with the problem of how to find out in two weeks if I haven't managed it in five months! And then I think to myself "well, why should I need to know she's into women to let her know I like her?" I trust that she's an open minded woman, so can simply say "Thanks for the compliment, but it's not mutual". But how to tell her when there's always others around, usually vulnerable youngsters? I keep trying to script conversation starters in my head, but then my memory fails me whenever I'm near her.

I'm thinking I need to just grab a moment alone with her, hold my breath, and tell her I have a crush  - and see how she responds - 'feel the fear and do it anyway' style...   So much easier said than done!


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oldbutnew

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #3 on: Jun 01, 2016, 11:51:45 PM »
Good luck Mobius.  Is she older or younger than you, not that it really matters.
« Last Edit: Jun 01, 2016, 11:54:11 PM by oldbutnew »

Offline Musette

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #4 on: Jun 02, 2016, 12:26:27 AM »
Present her with a Leaving card.
In it, write a note saying that you like her, that you'd like to stay friends (or more), whatever. And include your phone number.
If she doesn't reciprocate you never have to see her again.
If she likes you then she can contact you.

Good luck :)
"U r a multifaceted dark horse. Oh yes you are..."

a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D

mobius

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #5 on: Jun 02, 2016, 12:40:35 AM »
Oh I like that idea Musette, thank you! Can I ask - do you think it would sound like overkill to say something to the effect of "when I see you my knees go weak" or "I forget how to speak"? I'm not sure whether it would be taken as flattering, or a frightening precursor to an early marriage proposal!

@ obn, I'd guess she's about three or four years younger than me... One of our classroom conversations was the "I didn't think you were that old" that I usually get when people find out my age!


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oldbutnew

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #6 on: Jun 02, 2016, 01:28:16 AM »
Personally I would not say you make me go weak at the knees.  That would be something I would say when the person and I were dating for a while.

Offline Musette

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #7 on: Jun 02, 2016, 02:09:15 AM »
Yes, I agree with OBN. Don't go overboard with the declarations. I think it would be a bit over the top as an opening gambit with no evidence that she's even gay.

Perhaps just say you'd like to meet up for a coffee/drink. If she likes you enough to get in touch then you can go for a drink and take it from there. If it's the two of you alone you might be better able to gauge her feelings.

Alternatively you could just go for broke and say 'Fancy a shag?' ;D
"U r a multifaceted dark horse. Oh yes you are..."

a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D

Offline hellohowareyoutoday

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #8 on: Jun 02, 2016, 02:15:31 AM »
Tell her you'd like to stay in touch. Don't let her go forever!

Offline Kess

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #9 on: Jun 02, 2016, 01:25:50 PM »
No grand declarations! Keep it light :) I really like Musette's suggestion of popping your number in a leaving card, or swapping emails. Something so that you can stay in touch after you've both moved...
Pianists do it with both hands...

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mobius

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #10 on: Jun 10, 2016, 10:07:12 PM »
So I did it... there's a card on her desk to greet her Monday morning...


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Offline scouser

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #11 on: Jun 11, 2016, 02:13:18 AM »
and....?
One day I'll laugh about this!😑

oldbutnew

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #12 on: Jun 11, 2016, 03:31:20 AM »

Offline nismat

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #13 on: Jun 11, 2016, 09:19:27 AM »
Wishing you the best with it möbius - at least you haven't let the chance go by completely, so well done.

oldbutnew

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #14 on: Jun 11, 2016, 09:34:14 AM »
Yes brave.  If it doesnt work out at least you can say you were brave enough to try.   Fingers crossed as i like a happy ending  :-*