Author Topic: How do you know if...  (Read 1542 times)

Offline Jaxx37

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How do you know if...
« on: Dec 12, 2015, 12:41:12 PM »
How do you know if you 'fit' into a particular lesbian identity/category (for lack of a better description) - e.g. Butch, Femme etc. I'm relatively new to the scene and so have met people who use these terms etc. and I've been asked in the past how I would describe myself in those terms (mind you that was online so maybe it's different). The thing is I don't think I especially fit into any of the 'options' as such, I've always considered myself to be a tomboy (which isn't exactly an exclusively lesbian identity) and of course now I'm happily out as a lesbian. I've been described as a 'true gentlewoman' in the past too (which I was really pleased about) but is there more to it than that?

I know this is a really stupid question and I apologise if it comes across badly, it's in no way meant to offend. I'm just curious and a little confused by it all. There's a whole side to being a lesbian that I hadn't actually considered before now, I always saw it as - I'm attracted to women, want to be with and eventually marry a woman and I care very much about equality, but somehow it seems much more complex. Or am I just making it that way? Again, sorry for asking such a ridiculous question.
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Offline Jaxx37

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Re: How do you know if...
« Reply #1 on: Dec 12, 2015, 12:56:43 PM »
Sorry, turns out I posted this thread but didn't read the thread above about ID. I did try to delete but it says I can't. How do I go about getting the thread deleted?
People who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

The one thing that does not abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.

Offline nismat

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Re: How do you know if...
« Reply #2 on: Dec 12, 2015, 04:06:44 PM »
Probably do report to moderator and ask for it to be deleted  :)

Offline MzB

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Re: How do you know if...
« Reply #3 on: Dec 12, 2015, 04:10:30 PM »
Lots of new threads on GB ask questions that have been asked before though, Jaxx. Don't feel you have to delete just because of this. Sometimes it's worth having the conversations again, with new people.

Or if you read around in the old threads and find bits and bobs which strike you, you could chuck in a post about them in the new thread.
« Last Edit: Dec 12, 2015, 04:12:08 PM by MzB »

Offline Grey

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Re: How do you know if...
« Reply #4 on: Dec 12, 2015, 04:21:37 PM »
Exactly!

Jaxxx-nothing you've posted is stupid or asked badly or offensive in the least!  :D
Discussions on this are needed as ongoing and there are always new revelations

being called a "true gentlewoman" is a lovely thing-isn't it?  8)
And yes there can be so much more to it that is profound and empowering

Daffodil

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Re: How do you know if...
« Reply #5 on: Dec 13, 2015, 12:13:31 AM »
Sorry, turns out I posted this thread but didn't read the thread above about ID. I did try to delete but it says I can't. How do I go about getting the thread deleted?

Individuals can delete a post, but threads have to be deleted by a moderator and since we do not have moderators anymore, then Evict has to do it.  I think years ago you could delete a thread you started but not anymore.

Offline Jaxx37

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Re: How do you know if...
« Reply #6 on: Dec 13, 2015, 07:40:20 PM »
Hi,

Thank you for all of your kind and helpful replies - it was a rookie mistake on my part (shows how long it's been since I was using the GB boards rather than lurking!)

I'm glad that nobody thinks my questions were poorly worded or offensive, the whole thing just seems very complex although not necessarily in a bad way fortunately. I kind of just feel like here I am, aged 31 having spent all this time 'finding myself' in the adult world - through uni and all of the daft mistakes we make in those years, and now here I am and I'm suddenly asking the question 'who am I?'. It's a strange thought. I mean I know who I am, I know what I want in life, what I like or dislike, what I love or hate, who I'm attracted to and I'm completely and utterly in love for the first time in my life. This should be a time of certainty in my life, yet there's this thing in my mind that says 'is there more to you'... perhaps I'm right and my original assessment of 'tomboy', lesbian, rocker, writer and total geek, is the answer. But what is the definition of a 'tomboy' in terms of the wider lesbian community? Does it differ from place to place? Does that even need to be part of my identity?

Exactly!

Jaxxx-nothing you've posted is stupid or asked badly or offensive in the least!  :D
Discussions on this are needed as ongoing and there are always new revelations

being called a "true gentlewoman" is a lovely thing-isn't it?  8)
And yes there can be so much more to it that is profound and empowering

I must admit I was very proud of myself when I was first told that, it's lovely to be called a 'true gentlewoman', makes me feel like somehow I'm following my own personal code of chivalry and looking out for people I care about, it's a great feeling.

If folks would rather I put these questions in the ID thread then I'm more than happy to ask Evict to delete my thread as per the advice given, I just know she's very busy so don't know whether or not I should bother her with such a rookie mistake. Please let me know what you think on the deleting the thread thing, as I say I'm more than happy to follow board protocol on this  :)

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for all of your supportive comments regarding both my original post and my subsequent post regarding deleting the thread  :)
Jaxx
People who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

The one thing that does not abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.

Offline outoforder

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Re: How do you know if...
« Reply #7 on: Jan 10, 2016, 10:10:25 PM »
It's all personal. I suppose I am butch, though I don't really label myself. Personally, anybody who called me a 'true gentleman' would get a hard look if I wasn't in the mood to give a good ticking off.