Hope I'm posting this in the right place! Hoping for advice please (or maybe anyone who can relate and give me hope that I haven't totally lost a friend).
I have previously identified as 'straight' (married 16 yrs, divorced, 2 relationships with men since) but developed strong feelings over time for a friend of mine who is a closet lesbian. Have been attracted to women before but this was the first time I've ever felt basically smacked in the face by really strong feelings (I'm in love with her, not the blind kind of love if you know what I mean).
I knew there was a risk that I would lose her friendship if I told her I had feelings but I also wanted to be honest with her about my feelings having changed. We met for coffee and I was careful not to blurt it all out, we just chatted. She said she had not thought of me in that way, considered me as a friend, would not rule out being attracted to me in the future. For my part, I just left it that I had told her and the ball was in her court if she wanted to see where it could go.
Things were fine for a while. We continued going out regularly as friends, in fact were in more frequent contact and went out every weekend (just the two of us and with others too). We didn't speak of feelings at all, just carried on as we were before. She has blown lukewarm and cold over the last month or so (she was like this before I told her how I felt). More because I needed to know where I stood, I told her earlier this week that my feelings were the same. She doesn't feel that way for me. I'm totally clear on that now and though it hurts it's fine. I'm a big girl and I'll get over it.
My problem now is that she seems to have gone ice cold again. She sat with me today but barely spoke with me and later on seemed to be avoiding me. We are in the same social group so unless I leave it (which I don't particularly want to do as I have built good friendships) we will still see each other regularly.
I've obviously made her feel uncomfortable somehow (I tried so hard not to) and I can accept she sees me as a friend only and that there needs to be space. I just don't know what to do now. How can I rectify things when she won't communicate about how she would want to go forward or not with the friendship?
She's happy for me to talk things through with others in our circle as long as I don't 'out' her. I feel hurt and rejected just now but don't want to allow any negative feelings I have to affect her adversely. I'm more worried I have killed the friendship as she now seems so cold towards me.
I'd really appreciate any advice.