Author Topic: affairs with married women or men  (Read 4297 times)

Puma

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affairs with married women or men
« on: Mar 16, 2015, 08:08:46 PM »
I'm on a roll 16 posts in 8 months! Is it Ethical.,responsible against 'gods law' to have a relationship with a married person whether there are children involved or not.For me this is a line I cannot cross irrespective of the circumstances just wondered what your views are on this? Some accept sex less  relations or look for excitement  but stay together for various reasons.Is it justified?

Cas73

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #1 on: Mar 16, 2015, 08:23:01 PM »
No, I wouldn't personally.

But is it a moral absolute, and I say that because of your use of 'Gods Law'?  Well no, I don't think that it is.  I've just finished a 12 hour shift, will have to think more on it, but that's it for now. 

No Onions, Mate

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #2 on: Mar 16, 2015, 08:43:15 PM »
Nothing to do with whether they are married. I just wouldn't if they were a couple full stop. If I was single I personally wouldn't even if they were in an open relationship and both of them knew and agreed. But that's not a moral objection. It's just knowing myself and knowing that wouldn't work for me.

I do think it's morally wrong to have sex with someone who is supposed to be in a monogamous relationship. That's not to say I would judge someone who did it harshly. But I hope I would never do that myself.


Slantrhyme

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #3 on: Mar 16, 2015, 09:00:25 PM »
Well, I'm still technically married, but long time separated and divorcing, and in a relationship with someone else, so there's grey areas. I would steer clear of anyone in a relationship, married or not. 

Cas73

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #4 on: Mar 16, 2015, 09:41:12 PM »
Now I'm slightly more awake, I just couldn't live with the thought of causing another person pain.  The guilt would be too much for me.  What pleasure is there to be had in being deceitful?

I'm aware that it isn't always possible to control how we feel about someone, but we do have choice and control over how we act upon those feelings. 

This is in no way a judgement of anyone who has been in this situation, I realise that there are shades of grey.  I can only apply the above to how I live my life.  And I strive to live it with honesty and integrity. 

Also, the way I see it, if they can be unfaithful to someone they made a commitment to, then there's nothing stopping them from being unfaithful to me.  I'd never be able to trust them, so I'd rather not go there at all.

Edited to add more
« Last Edit: Mar 16, 2015, 09:45:42 PM by peca »

Offline aliceb

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #5 on: Mar 16, 2015, 10:10:07 PM »
Now I'm slightly more awake, I just couldn't live with the thought of causing another person pain.  The guilt would be too much for me.  What pleasure is there to be had in being deceitful?

I'm aware that it isn't always possible to control how we feel about someone, but we do have choice and control over how we act upon those feelings. 

This is in no way a judgement of anyone who has been in this situation, I realise that there are shades of grey.  I can only apply the above to how I live my life.  And I strive to live it with honesty and integrity. 

Also, the way I see it, if they can be unfaithful to someone they made a commitment to, then there's nothing stopping them from being unfaithful to me.  I'd never be able to trust them, so I'd rather not go there at all.

Edited to add more

that's what i always think about these situations.

plus morally i couldn't hurt someone in this way (either the person i was seeing or the partner of the person i am seeing) as i would hate someone to do that to me.

its a complete no no for me. i have never done it and i have no reason to think anyone has ever done it to me.

but no, nothing to do with 'god's law' as i am an atheist!
« Last Edit: Mar 16, 2015, 11:09:29 PM by aliceb »

Groke

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #6 on: Mar 16, 2015, 10:11:58 PM »
What does having affair mean? Does it mean full blown shagging? Sexting? Having mutual inappropriate thoughts?

Cas73

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #7 on: Mar 16, 2015, 10:26:15 PM »
What does having affair mean? Does it mean full blown shagging? Sexting? Having mutual inappropriate thoughts?

Isn't all of the above an act of unfaithfulness, even without a physical act taking place?

Affair to me means that it's crossed over into the physical act.  Unfaithfulness can take many forms.

Offline Medusa

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #8 on: Mar 16, 2015, 10:36:15 PM »
^ I'd agree with that, although I think there is such a thing as a psychological affair and I think it's every bit as much a breach of trust as a sexual affair (obviously assuming the relationship/marriage is monogamous).

I have been in the positions where friends have told me that they were having affairs with married/civilly partnered people several times. It doesn't sit well with me. I can't pretend not to judge; I do, because people get hurt. Trust is the bedrock of all human relationships and in the absence of that, you are royally screwed. And not in a good way.
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Groke

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #9 on: Mar 16, 2015, 10:44:15 PM »
But people do dodgy things with relationships all the time. Even serial monogamy can hurt people. There are people who have a new partner within their sights before the last relationship is finished or closure is possible. 

Trust is obviously an ideal, but if it was easy then there'd be fewer broken relationships.

Offline Medusa

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #10 on: Mar 16, 2015, 10:46:47 PM »
^ All of that is also true.

But having an ethic you try to live by is no bad thing, I think.
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Groke

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #11 on: Mar 16, 2015, 10:47:32 PM »
People do. And they fall short.

dukovearl

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #12 on: Mar 16, 2015, 10:56:44 PM »
People undoubtedly do, but I'm pretty sure it's not ethical or moral unless it's an honest open or poly marriage/committed relationship or still married but properly separated. I don't think gods and goddesses ever really made those rules though and I'm not sure whether the existence or not of children makes that much difference. Obviously if there are kids more people stand to get hurt, but hurting even one person isn't nice. Personally, I'd rather avoid it.



Offline Quack

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #13 on: Mar 16, 2015, 10:59:45 PM »
I suspect this is an unpopular view.

I think that the committment was made by the two people within the relationship. It's their responsibility to negotiate/honour those commitments. Not the responsibility of a third party.

Having said that, if the third party is looking for some sort of lasting relationship with someone who is already in a relationship, then they are likely to be disappointed. But I don't feel that they have any ethical/moral obligation not to get involved.

Groke

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Re: affairs with married women or men
« Reply #14 on: Mar 16, 2015, 11:08:06 PM »
I've noticed that having affairs with marrieds is all the rage at the moment. Either that, or people are less and less discreet about it.