Author Topic: mixed relationships  (Read 2004 times)

Offline Contemporary Mistress

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mixed relationships
« on: Feb 03, 2015, 07:55:00 PM »
has  anyone  got  crap  over  mixed  lesbian  relationships?  I  wondering  because  a  woman  I  was  talking  to  talked  about  how  her  parents  hated  that  she  was  with  another  woman  and  that  her  brother  was  with  a  woman  of  another  race,  and  it  got  me  thinking,  but  what  if  she  was  with  a  woman  of  another  race  as  well?  do  you  think  the  sexuality  issue  is  bigger  than  the  race  issue  for  more  str8  ppl  in  regards  to  same-sex  relationships?

Offline M&M

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Re: mixed relationships
« Reply #1 on: Feb 05, 2015, 11:41:07 AM »
I have never experienced the race issue personally in the way you describe but I have homophobia.
I think it probably would be, but it really is dependent on the family. It may appear on the surface that it is a race issue but it may be because they don't like her brothers girlfriend so the go to always turns out to be race/or racism. I really don't have enough information to make a call as to how they would react.

In life siblings are sometimes treated differently too for various reasons. You'll just have to cross that bridge when you get there but don't let that stop you considering all the possible outcomes as I believe this will better help you deal with whatever reactions you get from the rents AND the rest of society.

I personally know that different opinions of how to manage r/ships with the inlaw vs ones refusal to accept homophobia or heterosexism can be a real challenge to relationships that are decades old let a lone new ones so my advise would be talk, listen and talk some more and also be prepared that opinions and points of view can also change with time. so Just because you think you would deal with something in a certain way now doesn't mean that you'll feel the exact same in 10 years time.

Hope my 3 pennies make sense.
Best of luck.
M&M

scouser

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Re: mixed relationships
« Reply #2 on: Feb 05, 2015, 12:22:37 PM »
Sometimes one form of prejudice goes hand in hand with another! :(

betterthanaverage

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Re: mixed relationships
« Reply #3 on: Feb 07, 2015, 07:00:33 PM »
has  anyone  got  crap  over  mixed  lesbian  relationships?  I  wondering  because  a  woman  I  was  talking  to  talked  about how  her  parents  hated  that  she  was  with  another  woman  and  that  her  brother  was  with  a  woman  of  another  race,  and  it  got  me  thinking,  but  what  if  she  was  with  a  woman  of  another  race  as  well?  do  you  think  the  sexuality  issue  is  bigger  than  the  race  issue  for  more  str8  ppl  in  regards  to  same-sex  relationships?

I would like to meet this woman as she always seems to pop up in conversations when an OP puts forward a point of view that might be controversial rather like the mythical person in the pub.

I do think it's more sophisticated than an either/or scenario because depending on class, background, religion, education, disability, transphobia, homophobia, racism, whether you look attractive or not (and that's subjective) or even if it's a full moon or there's an R in the month;  may influence the opinions or behaviour of  some people. Multiple oppression is not an either/or choice or situation for many people so trying to work out a hierarchy of prejudice is a waste of time.


« Last Edit: Feb 07, 2015, 07:02:20 PM by Atomic Kush »

Offline Contemporary Mistress

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Re: mixed relationships
« Reply #4 on: Feb 28, 2015, 01:01:58 PM »
Lol,  this  particular  woman  was  at  a  lesbian  meetup  group  she  did  exist :P  she  we  got  on  to  it  when  we  got  onto  the  'all  took  common  conversation  of  hw  long  you  been  out,  and  how'd  your  parents  take  it  etc  etc,  and  she  started  talking  about  her  parents  not  liking  either  her  relationship  or  her  brothers,  coz  tho  he's  in  a  straight  one  it's  with  someone  of  different  race. 

Offline Contemporary Mistress

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Re: mixed relationships
« Reply #5 on: Feb 28, 2015, 01:11:50 PM »
not  a  hierarchy,  that  I'm  trying  to  work  out ALL  bad  in  my  opinion I  was  just  seeing  what  people  overall  thought  about  the  subject  of  both  prejudices,  and  how  much  of  it  is  an  issue  for  same-sex  relationships,  as  it  is  for  str8  people.  because   I  have  got  this  and  I  was  not  even  in  a  str8  couple,  if  I'm  talking  on  the  train  to  a  white  male  friend  some  stupid  people  have  got  the  wrong  idea,  and  I've  subject  to  abuse  for  actions  I  haven't  even  taken  lol,  but  I  think  it  could  be  an  issue,  but  props  not  as  big  as  same-sex  in  my  experience  with  people  that  I  socialise  and  know,  props  equal  with  the  general  public  but  thats  just  my  opinion.   :(

Offline Lobo

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Re: mixed relationships
« Reply #6 on: Mar 18, 2016, 04:08:03 PM »
 I have experienced it. Whether it was my parents, a small few of ex-friends, and a small number of strangers trying to hit on me they all had one thing in common. Race was a big deal. Every one of them knocked my girlfriend making her race an issue. Especially the strangers thought after their jaw waggin' I would leave her for "one of my own kind" as they assumed I was white like them.
 Then her small number of gaysion friends made my race an issue trying to break her and myself up, so that she would date her own race. Only for them to be dumped from her life rather than me.
 The funny thing was with my parents they were willing to overlook my sexuality, but not the race of the girl I got with.
 So we still live in times where people are racist, otherwise they wouldn't find a problem in a relationship that doesn't involve them. I just think it's sad when any of the lgbt community decides to behave like a fool like those who got homophobia problems.
 Why have the burden of hate in their heart when they can choose to be happy. Racism gets taught to us in one way or another, but it doesn't mean we need to then be a racist. Its a choice, not the way we're born.
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oldbutnew

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Re: mixed relationships
« Reply #7 on: Jun 17, 2016, 02:07:41 AM »
I am the product of a mixed relationship.  It has caused problems within my extended family and my thoughts are if they do not like it then that is their problem.   

Offline sarah_m

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Re: mixed relationships
« Reply #8 on: Jun 21, 2017, 12:59:32 AM »
I've experienced racism from a mixed race girl, who had  Irish, Nigerian parents. She was my ex and didn't like my Indian heritage.
Funnily enough, we were very similar in terms of how we looked in terms of complexion and hair. It was a sad relationship but one where I learnt a lot about internalised racism. I was liked by her family, I fell into living with  her and her mother who was Irish. My ex was homophobic too- she was bisexual, I was lesbian. Internalised homophobia, racism, and gender prejudice was why I was so loved.   ::) She wouldn't admit it so openly though. Being with a racist said a lot about how I couldn't understand my own reflection...I hated myself for something I couldn't understand- I couldn't understand my features- I thought I was Indian but  I have strong African heritage too and none of my mother's side want to see it. What made it more confusing was being asked if I was Italian. I had to do a lot of research to identify I have one white parent and not one Bengali one.

It depends on the family. I feel race is a bigger issue than sexual orientation in mine. Yes it's big.
I hate my ex gf. If I'd known I was so 'gay' I'd have stayed away from her. How was I supposed to know I was lesbian and mixed race with black and white ethnicities playing a part in how I looked? I didn't know.
« Last Edit: Jun 21, 2017, 05:03:43 AM by sarah_m »