Author Topic: Having your relationship invalidated  (Read 3457 times)

Scully

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #15 on: Apr 01, 2014, 10:16:49 PM »
Slantrhyme, I think it's a bit bizarre that you bring up a comment I made on another thread entirely a long while ago as if it's evidence of something here. As I said, I just saw the OP's thread title and responded, and the bi-only thread was news to me.

People who are enjoying straight privilege coming onto one of the only decent women-only boards on the whole of the internet and talking about how great their male partner is seems provocative, or very tactless at least. However, I can see now that this one was in fact on a designated board.

I don't think I really understand what 'safe space' means. It must be a sexual identity word, but how is this thread any more 'unsafe' than someone living a straight life coming on GB and posting about it?

Anyway I'll go now so you can enjoy your special space-within-a-space.

(I do wonder how it would go down if people insisted on a special 'gold-star' board.  ::) )

Offline Blythe

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #16 on: Apr 01, 2014, 10:33:45 PM »
And are gold stars more likely to go down than bisexuals?
Discuss, but not on this board.

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Offline PushingThru

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #17 on: Apr 02, 2014, 12:18:57 AM »
I don't know if anyone, like me, ends up clicking on the most recent post on the front page only to find myself wandering into the wrong section. A major limitation of the child boards IMO.
No one is obliged to write in ways that appeal to everyone else - we're not paying for the user content. If you don't like it skim past it.

Offline Blythe

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #18 on: Apr 02, 2014, 12:20:56 AM »
I once accidentally posted in WOC,   I felt so guilty and deleted it asap.

'Someone take Blythe's mobile phone off her before she says something silly'           kitty

Offline M&M

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #19 on: Apr 02, 2014, 11:05:26 AM »
How did we get on to the subject of WOC?

I just think we should all just take a deep breath and let each other be.

Me - formerly bi curious LESBIAN who had something to contribute to this thread, but now, I can't be bothered.

*skipps off to find my happy place*
M&M

Offline Grey

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #20 on: Apr 02, 2014, 12:45:51 PM »
How did we get on to the subject of WOC?

I just think we should all just take a deep breath and let each other be.

Me - formerly bi curious LESBIAN who had something to contribute to this thread, but now, I can't be bothered.

*skipps off to find my happy place*

agreed M&M
sorry to miss your contribution

Offline Blythe

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #21 on: Apr 02, 2014, 08:33:56 PM »
How did we get on to the subject of WOC?



Obviously ....

Because Pushup suggested that she sometimes reads the last post rather than the thread which can mean that one ends up replying in a thread that is not appropriate.
'Someone take Blythe's mobile phone off her before she says something silly'           kitty

Offline Jaydee

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #22 on: Apr 02, 2014, 09:02:13 PM »
Only through reading all of your posts have I realised that there are certain threads deemed ok to comment on and certain threads not.  I will be more careful in future. 

However, I am confused.  I understand the need for safe space for various groups for various reasons.  Although I also get Pushups comment about accidentally posting on a board and Blythe's example also.  What I don't get it is that GB is (please correct me gently if I am wrong) a PUBLIC forum.  Anything you put into the public domain is open for debate.  If there were closed spaces on the boards for such discussions, then you could call it safe, until then, I fail to see how any public forum can be absolutely safe.

Although I am a lesbian/dyke/queer (delete as you wish because I don't care), I reserve the right to comment on a public forum but I will do my utmost to do so sensitively and without any intent to cause offence.  However, I realise that anything I say may be offensive to someone.  I apologise in advance if I do.

To the OP, sorry for not actually commenting on your original post but I am not sure where else to put this.
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Offline M&M

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #23 on: Apr 03, 2014, 02:30:33 PM »
How did we get on to the subject of WOC?



Obviously ....

Because Pushup suggested that she sometimes reads the last post rather than the thread which can mean that one ends up replying in a thread that is not appropriate.

That is sooo obviously the reason!... Ok

*going back to my happy place*
M&M

Offline M&M

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #24 on: Apr 03, 2014, 02:34:22 PM »
Point well made @Jaydee
M&M

Offline Night Nurse

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #25 on: Apr 03, 2014, 03:17:02 PM »
So, I mentioned to my gay male friend that I'm bi. We were talking about going to a gay club together - him being single and not really having gay mates to go with. Then he tells me I might meet "a female friend" - never mind the fact that I am happy with a guy right now!
Then he tells me that my "situation" reminds him of a man he knows who is in an unhappy marriage with a woman, desperately in love with a man and afraid to come out!
So yeah, totally like me! Not.

Is it so incomprehensible that a person can be attracted to both sexes but prefer one of them? It seems like if you prefer the same sex it is fine bc you're an honorary gay, but if you prefer the opposite, obviously you're a faithless sleazy cheating voyeuristic fake douchebag. There was an unfortunate thread yesterday that I didn't bother reading in the end ..

I find it rather strange that the feelings of a straight partner do not matter! It's only a boring straight person, you can break their heart that's fine.

And as for using people, I have always been drawn to straight women - so guess who gets hurt!

There seems to be no point in straight-ish people doing anything but pretending to be completely straight. I hate that people are always paying lip service to sexuality being so varied and fluid .. Yes as long as it's one of the approved versions of that. 

Grr.

QB, why don't you try this? http://skirtclub.co.uk/ The organisers host get-togethers for bisexual/bicurious women who are in relationships with men.

Some people think little girls should be seen and not heard, but I think...

onmyway

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #26 on: Apr 03, 2014, 09:42:04 PM »
I understand the need for safe space for various groups for various reasons.  Although I also get Pushups comment about accidentally posting on a board and Blythe's example also.  What I don't get it is that GB is (please correct me gently if I am wrong) a PUBLIC forum.  Anything you put into the public domain is open for debate.  If there were closed spaces on the boards for such discussions, then you could call it safe, until then, I fail to see how any public forum can be absolutely safe.

I agree. Of course none of gingerbeer, or any public forum, can be absolutely safe. I would prefer it said "safer" space, and that it was framed as a request and/or a statement of intent, for that reason.

Nobody can actually stop Scully or anybody else from posting bi-phobic or otherwise disrespectful comments here. Well maybe the moderator(s) but even they can only act after the event, and in quite limited  circumstances.

Similarly nobody can stop anybody from posting sexist, homopohobic, racist, etc posts anywhere on these boards.

All we can do is ask, and hope, (and when that doesn't work we can speak out and/or report it to the mods as a last resort).
« Last Edit: Apr 03, 2014, 09:53:13 PM by onmyway »

onmyway

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #27 on: Apr 03, 2014, 09:50:56 PM »
Queen_Bea it seems to me that all you can do really is talk to your friend(s), stating clearly and firmly how you feel, and saying that you want them to stop making such comments to you. When it comes at you from people who aren't good friends, and you don't feel are worth the bother of educating, just remember that they aren't important and that you know what (and who) matters to you,

It sucks, and wrongly it seems this is the cost of being out, whether as bi or gay, regardless of who our partners are. As a bisexual woman, if you partner with a man some gay folk may seek to invalidate that relationship. If you are with a woman many heterosexual people (and society as a whole!) will seek to invalidate your relationship.

Without wanting to belittle how hard that can be, maybe it's worth thinking about who gets to decide whether your relationship is valid or not, and whether is matters a jot what folk who aren't in your relationship think about it. Developing a bit of an inner FU attitude if you know what I mean. After all, nobody has the power to truly invalidate your relationship unless you allow them that power.

Offline Night Nurse

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #28 on: Apr 03, 2014, 11:30:44 PM »
Brilliant post, OMW.

 :)
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Offline Jaques

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #29 on: Apr 05, 2014, 08:40:12 AM »


"When you live between opposites, you can not escape the s/he who will follow you, who must either be wrestled with or embraced."

"Desire is like a poem. The knife can mean death and life, but whose hand holds it? The rose can mean petals and canker in the bud, but whose hand spreads it? With each criss-crossing gesture the meaning of lust will shift. If we dare claim our lives as our own, we must read all the poems we write with our bodies."

Minnie Bruce Pratt................."S/he"