Author Topic: Having your relationship invalidated  (Read 3868 times)

Offline Queen_Bea

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Having your relationship invalidated
« on: Mar 31, 2014, 02:11:55 PM »
So, I mentioned to my gay male friend that I'm bi. We were talking about going to a gay club together - him being single and not really having gay mates to go with. Then he tells me I might meet "a female friend" - never mind the fact that I am happy with a guy right now!
Then he tells me that my "situation" reminds him of a man he knows who is in an unhappy marriage with a woman, desperately in love with a man and afraid to come out!
So yeah, totally like me! Not.

Is it so incomprehensible that a person can be attracted to both sexes but prefer one of them? It seems like if you prefer the same sex it is fine bc you're an honorary gay, but if you prefer the opposite, obviously you're a faithless sleazy cheating voyeuristic fake douchebag. There was an unfortunate thread yesterday that I didn't bother reading in the end ..

I find it rather strange that the feelings of a straight partner do not matter! It's only a boring straight person, you can break their heart that's fine.

And as for using people, I have always been drawn to straight women - so guess who gets hurt!

There seems to be no point in straight-ish people doing anything but pretending to be completely straight. I hate that people are always paying lip service to sexuality being so varied and fluid .. Yes as long as it's one of the approved versions of that. 

Grr.




Scully

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #1 on: Mar 31, 2014, 10:01:44 PM »
Got to ask, again, why you are posting that you prefer blokes on a website for women who love women?

I'm never overly comfortable with the bisexual thing but most people on here are very tactful. You keep reiterating your preference for men, and it is unlikely to gain you much sympathy.
« Last Edit: Mar 31, 2014, 10:05:29 PM by Scully »

onmyway

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #2 on: Mar 31, 2014, 10:19:53 PM »
Why are you reading posts in the bisexual section of these boards, only to criticise them, Scully?

Offline two monkeys

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #3 on: Mar 31, 2014, 10:31:48 PM »
Anyone can post in this section.
"She walked in through the out door, out door.."

Offline Grey

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #4 on: Mar 31, 2014, 10:38:02 PM »
however it is still a SafeSpace

onmyway

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #5 on: Mar 31, 2014, 10:38:55 PM »
Anyone can post in this section.

Anyone can, indeed.  But it is intended to be "a tolerant and safe space" as the description says.  I think my question was valid.

Offline two monkeys

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #6 on: Mar 31, 2014, 10:54:41 PM »
A tolerent and safe space for lesbians also.
"She walked in through the out door, out door.."

onmyway

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #7 on: Mar 31, 2014, 10:55:57 PM »
"for the bisexual members of Gingerbeer or those who wish to discuss anything and everything related to bisexuality in a tolerant and safe space" in fact.

onmyway

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #8 on: Mar 31, 2014, 10:58:52 PM »
Anyway, my question was not about whether she could, whether she was allowed to, it was about why she would want to.

Bizoute

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #9 on: Mar 31, 2014, 11:00:35 PM »
I'm struggling with some of QB's posts, but I also don't need to read in this section about someone 'not being overly comfortable with the whole bisexual thing.' This is a section about bisexuality. We don't need permission to be bisexual. Someone's not comfortable with bisexuality? Okay. That actually doesn't need to be expressly stated in here.

Offline Sporty-Gal

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #10 on: Mar 31, 2014, 11:05:42 PM »
To the OP:

The suggestion by your gay male friend to introduce you to another female is not necessarily offensive IMHO because he is addressing one part of your sexual orientation. However, I do understand your frustration regarding the "suppressed, unhappy homo" comparison.
Is it so incomprehensible that a person can be attracted to both sexes but prefer one of them? It seems like if you prefer the same sex it is fine bc you're an honorary gay, but if you prefer the opposite, obviously you're a faithless sleazy cheating voyeuristic fake douchebag.

What I wonder is though: how well do you know this friend? Does he label himself as exclusively gay (possibly gold star  :P) ? His own perception of sexual orientation and his personal level of openness to alternative lifestyles/ needs/ feelings etc... will of course influence how he sees you. Plus, in his current situation of being single, his mind may be rather focused on finding a same sex partner for himself and reflecting his interest on your situation.

Some people can only project their own personal thoughts and feelings on others. If we were all tolerant, empathetic and understanding, we wouldn't laws to protect human rights.
Of all the things I lost I miss my mind the most....

Offline Musette

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #11 on: Apr 01, 2014, 04:21:38 PM »
^ I think it's partly that people don't like what they don't understand, and gay people are not immune from this behaviour.


(Completely incidentally, I was reading some article or other recently and someone referred to themselves as 'gold star'. In the comments, someone displaying vast depths of ignorance said, "Surely all gay people are gold star? Why would they sleep with the opposite sex if they are gay?" ::))
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a wise and helpful soul, Musette  ;D

Scully

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #12 on: Apr 01, 2014, 07:35:09 PM »
I want to know why this poster keeps referring to her relationship with a man. She's done it elsewhere, and it makes me uncomfortable.

When I responded, I saw it was in the identity section, but it didn't specify a bisexual only section, and I didn't even realise there was one.  ::)
« Last Edit: Apr 01, 2014, 07:39:53 PM by Scully »

Bizoute

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #13 on: Apr 01, 2014, 07:45:57 PM »
Well, it is a bisexual section, so maybe if you're not comfortable with bisexuality it's either not the place for you, or a place for you to read but not necessarily to come in and tell us bisexuals that you're not comfortable with our sexual orientation. Yes, I get that this was a mistake but I actually don't need to read about someone's discomfort with my sexuality (i.e. bisexuality in general) in what's meant to be a designated safe space for us. Like most bisexuals, my sexuality harms no-one. If someone has a problem with it, it's precisely that: their problem.

Slantrhyme

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Re: Having your relationship invalidated
« Reply #14 on: Apr 01, 2014, 08:00:31 PM »
Why should it make you uncomfortable? People do have relationships with men you know… This is a board for bisexuals is it not? If you don't like it, don't read it. What's the point of having a safe space if people aren't able to feel safe using it?

I don't wish to be rude Scully, but this feels a bit like you bringing biphobia in here to me.

In another thread you said you were a gold star lesbian. Why in that case are you posting on a board for bisexual women?

I consider myself a lesbian, so wouldn't post here under normal circumstances, but on this occasion I feel it's justified.