Author Topic: Femme invisibility  (Read 19305 times)

Bizoute

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #30 on: Nov 26, 2013, 09:28:35 PM »
I think some of us just grow a bit tired of frequently being presumed straight and I expect that's more of a thing amongst femmes and those of us who look stereotypically feminine; nothing necessarily to do with unhappiness in one's sexuality. I'm pretty comfortable in mine, as it goes. However, unpick the femme-invisibility idea idea and it's (I reckon) a lot to do with a world which still often assumes straight as the 'norm'. I can't say that it's something that bothers me on a daily basis or anything, but I feel it's a fair enough thing to find vaguely irksome. (Said this femme). 

Offline musclegirl

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #31 on: Nov 27, 2013, 05:18:38 PM »
Hades guess it's all about confidence. Wish I had yours :-\
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Offline femmebelle

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #32 on: Dec 01, 2013, 04:08:42 PM »
Iam a feminine woman and have on occasion been questioned about my sexuality. ::)

Offline sailor

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #33 on: Dec 25, 2013, 10:46:25 PM »
I'd be delighted if a match making thread was resurrected!

Offline Jenny Talia

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #34 on: Apr 12, 2014, 09:53:46 PM »
I think some of us just grow a bit tired of frequently being presumed straight and I expect that's more of a thing amongst femmes and those of us who look stereotypically feminine; nothing necessarily to do with unhappiness in one's sexuality. I'm pretty comfortable in mine, as it goes. However, unpick the femme-invisibility idea idea and it's (I reckon) a lot to do with a world which still often assumes straight as the 'norm'. I can't say that it's something that bothers me on a daily basis or anything, but I feel it's a fair enough thing to find vaguely irksome. (Said this femme). 

And it's the rudeness of other people, the almost 'but-how-was-I-supposed-to-know-considering-you-don't-look-like-a-lesbian'.  Even lesbians have these close-minded stereotypes about other lesbians.  I would always do my own dirty work in bars in order to meet women, but I still got really sick of lesbians and gay men who thought nothing of making assumptions about my sexuality, DESPITE the fact that the majority of lesbians in London actually looked like me!  I can only hope that these stereotypes are dying a quick death now that the older lesbians are becoming bored of the scene and a younger generation are moving in.
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Offline Lobo

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #35 on: Apr 19, 2014, 03:05:20 PM »
And it's the rudeness of other people, the almost 'but-how-was-I-supposed-to-know-considering-you-don't-look-like-a-lesbian'.  Even lesbians have these close-minded stereotypes about other lesbians.  I would always do my own dirty work in bars in order to meet women, but I still got really sick of lesbians and gay men who thought nothing of making assumptions about my sexuality, DESPITE the fact that the majority of lesbians in London actually looked like me!  I can only hope that these stereotypes are dying a quick death now that the older lesbians are becoming bored of the scene and a younger generation are moving in.

Well I get same thing whether in mens clothes but the majority of the time in my more femme stuff.
The sad thing is it's the young ones assuming straightness from me, and having to correct them I'm not straight or bi.
So even though older lesbians are leaving the club scene it doesn't necessarily mean that assumptions on sexuality are dying out. I think they'll always be there.
Especially if when in gay clubs you go to hit on a girl only to find out they're straight and just hanging out with their lesbian/gay friends. Which in turn makes you start questioning in your mind should I ask anyone for a date as I keep asking the straight ones out in these gay clubs. It actually happened to me three times in a row which made me feel like whyyyyy aren't you a lesbian haha.
just glad it didn't put me off asking ladies out as I don't assume they're straight or bi, just a attractive woman.
Hopefully in the future women just ask who theyre attracted to out and don't assume their sexuality so they can enjoy a beautiful woman in their arms rather than leaving them alone to think how come no one thinks of them as a lesbian.
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betterthanaverage

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #36 on: Apr 19, 2014, 04:26:44 PM »
I think some of us just grow a bit tired of frequently being presumed straight and I expect that's more of a thing amongst femmes and those of us who look stereotypically feminine; nothing necessarily to do with unhappiness in one's sexuality. I'm pretty comfortable in mine, as it goes. However, unpick the femme-invisibility idea idea and it's (I reckon) a lot to do with a world which still often assumes straight as the 'norm'. I can't say that it's something that bothers me on a daily basis or anything, but I feel it's a fair enough thing to find vaguely irksome. (Said this femme). 

And it's the rudeness of other people, the almost 'but-how-was-I-supposed-to-know-considering-you-don't-look-like-a-lesbian'.  Even lesbians have these close-minded stereotypes about other lesbians.  I would always do my own dirty work in bars in order to meet women, but I still got really sick of lesbians and gay men who thought nothing of making assumptions about my sexuality, DESPITE the fact that the majority of lesbians in London actually looked like me!  I can only hope that these stereotypes are dying a quick death now that the older lesbians are becoming bored of the scene and a younger generation are moving in.

It's the younger ones who don't know me who make the assumption that I'm straight and these stereotypes exist within the context of the media and people's own experiences rather than being confined to older lesbians. Once you get to a certain age; you don't shuffle off the earth to make room for the younger generation who are supposedly more 'enlightened' than the last generation.

Offline Jules™

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #37 on: Apr 19, 2014, 08:49:19 PM »
Quote from: betterthanaverage link=topic=110774.msg3500307#msg3500307  femme)

Once you get to a certain age; you don't shuffle off the earth to make room for the younger generation who are supposedly more 'enlightened' than the last generation.

^
Best comment I have read on GB for ages.

Offline Stevie

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #38 on: Jul 18, 2014, 02:29:07 PM »
I've got a butch/femme facebook group I'm very proud of  :P
Maybe Stevie already is everybody's ex?

Offline Underdog

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #39 on: Aug 19, 2014, 02:42:08 PM »
I don't present as femme (I'm androgynous/masculine of centre) and I have some femme friends and I know some of them do get a bit fed up with the assumption of them being heterosexual, with discrimination they've faced and with feeling invisible. I used to present more feminine too and identified as "bisexual" and now I look different, whilst I experience more overt bigotry on the street, I find people more likely to talk to me in LGBTQ spaces.  ::)

So I don't really have a lot of feedback here because I ID as genderqueer and boi and no longer (as) feminine... I sometimes wonder though if the intersecting experiences a lot of people have is rooted in assumptions tied to gender presentation (including misgendering people) and that we need to acknowledge that spaces set up for us should maybe be conscious that they might not feel as safe, or comofortable for more feminine presenting people?

Also, challenging misogyny (and other bigotries) in the mainstream gay scenes and with people we're around when we see it. Challenging our own assumptions about a person regardless of clothes, how we and how society racialises them, perceptions based upon level of education, the way they talk ect?

Meh... I dunno.  :-\
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Offline Inara

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #40 on: Nov 11, 2014, 09:55:01 PM »
I love wearing dresses. not heels, though I have some. and everybody thinks that I am straight. I'm not sure if I am femme or not. quite new to this... but now I'm a little scared to go out to lesbian places alone because they won't let me in - I look too straight. but I really do love dresses and I love being a woman and some of the stereotypical things.

or am I just brainwashed by the society?

or are dresses the easiest thing in the world - no worries if my top goes with my bottom :)
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Offline Blythe

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #41 on: Nov 11, 2014, 10:13:49 PM »
You have nothing to worry about, there are quite a few dress wearing lesbians, wear what you want and get out there.

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outoforder

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #42 on: Nov 11, 2014, 10:18:17 PM »
Just cough 'gingerbeer goes down well' they will let u in.

Offline Inara

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #43 on: Nov 11, 2014, 10:22:43 PM »
thanks :)
sometimes I try too hard to fit in...
but that gingerbeer advice sounds funny :)
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Offline aliceb

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #44 on: Nov 11, 2014, 10:24:59 PM »
I love wearing dresses. not heels, though I have some. and everybody thinks that I am straight. I'm not sure if I am femme or not. quite new to this... but now I'm a little scared to go out to lesbian places alone because they won't let me in - I look too straight. but I really do love dresses and I love being a woman and some of the stereotypical things.

or am I just brainwashed by the society?

or are dresses the easiest thing in the world - no worries if my top goes with my bottom :)

where do u live? there aren't any lesbian only places in London for example so there is no chance of not getting in.

there are places that lesbians frequent and are maybe aimed at women (eg bar titania, but there is nobody on the door there checking who is coming in!) but there are no strictly lesbian only (or women only) places left anymore.  are there??

well u get a few one off events maybe but that's it.

even southbank is not just for lesbians, its just it seems like only lesbians go and that's only once a month.

and nobody would stop someone going in because they 'look' straight!