Author Topic: Femme invisibility  (Read 19306 times)

Offline Jenny Talia

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #15 on: Jun 22, 2013, 02:31:03 PM »
« Last Edit: Jun 25, 2013, 12:29:14 AM by Jenny Talia »
You may be wondering what a map of the trade winds of the North Atlantic is doing on page 134 of a book entitled Is Sex Necessary? In our opinion a map of the trade winds is equally useful in understanding women as a cross section of the female anatomy -James Thurber

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ellis

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #16 on: Jun 22, 2013, 05:03:26 PM »
My Hair Is More Gay Than Yours

is something I'm going to say to someone, one day.

That has to be a limited-edition badge.  Please.

kerfufflegoblin

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #17 on: Jun 22, 2013, 05:24:08 PM »
That really reminds me of an incident I had in the loos at Ghetto with a girl with number one haircut.

Girl talking to her friend "there are all sorts in here tonight, loads of straight girls"
turns round, sees me "oh, sorry no offense" whilst kinda giving me a Look
me "oh, what? cos I can't eat out a girl whilst having long hair?"
her "!?!"
me *storms off in righteous indignation/fury*

I recounted this to my fiends at the time and one of the long haired guys said "has she not heard of hairbands?" whilst proudly waving a couple.

The main reason I was so upset about the incident was I had just been rejoicing in the fact that the Ghetto had loads of women and men dressed like punks, indies, goths etc. with varying hair length. AND I had successfully chatted to lots of lovely womens. It felt like a massive slap in the face going "hahahah you don't belong really! Fuck off back to your cave you horrendous monster."

Offline Stevie

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #18 on: Jun 24, 2013, 12:31:27 PM »
I remember years ago being knocked back from a gay bar in Liverpool .. Wouldn't have minded if it was a dyke bar but it was a gay one.

I got the not tonight line "this is a gay bar" um "yeah I'm gay !!" Then I got this place isn't for you.
Maybe Stevie already is everybody's ex?

Offline musclegirl

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #19 on: Jun 24, 2013, 01:24:16 PM »
Couldn't agree more with you Sally 33, about the assumption that all girly looking women are straight. Its an assumption made because of the way society perceives lesbians. You can only be a lesbian if you shave your head and stomp around in DM's obviously ;D
I own a nice pair of black timbs so obviously qualify for being lezzy ;D
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Honeybabs

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #20 on: Jun 25, 2013, 02:19:21 AM »
I find that when I'm at my heavier side of my weight range (size 18) I don't really get it as much. Oh, chubby, sure, you might be gay. If I'm a size 14, then I'm straight.
I'd understand if it was straight people but lezzos?? Really?? Internalised all sorts there!!!
Can't get bloke = lezzo.
By lesbians!
And predictably if I'm a bit chubbier, I get more man attention.  ::)

One thing I've found is when the lezbeens won't talk to me, I go talk to the straight bloke friend of someone, he'll talk to me! *then* suddenly I'm noticed. And proving I'm straight. Not just bored and wanting a conversation.

One thing I do miss about London, it how much easier it is to talk to people at pubs or events, mainly because people are ratassed.

Not as much the popular sport here and most people 40+ seem to go home at 11pm. Ugh.


Swings and round abouts....

Offline Sky_femme

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #21 on: Jun 27, 2013, 07:15:11 PM »
I used to find some gay clubs entry policies offensive but quite funny at the same time :) I remember when club Astoria (London) was still open they once didn't let my friend and me in because we both looked very feminine. Also, I was always asked on the door of Heaven club (London) whether I know where I'm going or whether I am gay (I can't remember what the question was exactly but it was very rude). I always had to go with a more tomboyish-looking friend to be able to pass the screening.  ;D I always felt as I was being "assessed" there. Not sure what their door policy is now, this was some years ago.

In general I am definitely invisible because I am very feminine. When I was single I would sometimes see women I liked and I tried to look at them with "meaning" as in to make them realize I am femme and interested. Nobody ever got the hint  ;D They probably thought I was staring because they look "unusual" (butch) or something...  ;)
« Last Edit: Jun 27, 2013, 07:17:16 PM by Sky_femme »
Just let me shop and no one gets hurt! :)

Ms_omega

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #22 on: Jun 27, 2013, 09:41:23 PM »
Sky-femme the memories are hilarious. I think I visited heaven a handful of times but got the same treatment. I'm not particularly femme but obviously didn't fit their criteria.  :D
« Last Edit: Jun 27, 2013, 10:48:12 PM by Ms_omega »

Offline Stevie

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #23 on: Jun 27, 2013, 10:25:54 PM »
Ghetto the dirtiest kind of seedy lol .. Remember seeing two half naked men laid on a sofa t*ssing one another off bold as brass good job most were trollied lol am sure it got worse than that.
Maybe Stevie already is everybody's ex?

Offline silverfluff

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #24 on: Oct 16, 2013, 09:25:52 PM »
I just find generally people making assumptions about my sexuality infuriating, it is nobody's business but mine, it is rude.

I've been assumed to be straight, which was kind of an insult, and I have also felt like I have been outed by strangers because of my non-straight choices.
Having struggled with what my sexual/romantic orientation is, I am not ready to go and label myself as one or the other in the world. 

As it happens only trousers for men fit me, this would be the case with my body type regardless if I was straight, gay or into ducks, and yet it gives shop assistants the right to go and stick me into the lezzer box, which would be ok if projecting my inner dyke was my primary motive, but it was not, it was mostly about the fit.
 The girl in the shop suddenly is all flirty with me, because she assumes I am gay, when in a different situation she would just have ignored me. It felt kind of forced.

Popsicle

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #25 on: Oct 16, 2013, 09:56:56 PM »
That really reminds me of an incident I had in the loos at Ghetto

Ah the Ghetto! I spent my first night as an out gay at the Ghetto.
I was very drunk and the only thing I can still remember from that night is me and my girlfriend failing to understand why there was a note on the door of the toilet saying "one person only". ::)

I don't think I'm very feminine, I don't wear make up and these days I v seldom wear dresses or skirts, yet people still always assume I'm straight.
Heteronormativity, innit.

Offline BabyBoy

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #26 on: Oct 22, 2013, 12:54:49 PM »
It must be very annoying to be questioned about your sexuality on the scene if you're Femme, but try not to take it too hard/seriously. It's nothing wrong with you, you don't need to change anything, you just need to tell whoever it is that Femmes are, and have always been,  part of the gay spectrum. Just look at them haughtily and incredulously and say something like "I can't believe that you've never heard of, or seen any Femmes before!" ::)
If this fails, just hang yourself on some Butch's arm, and it won't happen again. The last bit was a joke. Sort of.  :-\
« Last Edit: Oct 22, 2013, 01:57:36 PM by BabyBoy »

Offline Destined4Hades

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #27 on: Nov 25, 2013, 10:04:23 PM »
How do you cope with being invisible ? I have some femme friends who hate this as it really frustrates them.

Why does it bother them what other people think? Surely if you are happy with your sexuality, it shouldn't really matter whether other people 'notice' that you are gay? And even if they do 'clock you' as gay, they are not really noticing you - they are noticing how you fit their perception of a certain stereotype, and this is more conforming than liberating, no?

hades x

Offline musclegirl

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #28 on: Nov 26, 2013, 01:02:06 PM »
Hades what you say us true. But it is more for recognition so approaches can be made. If femmes are read as straight then other women won't approach them in an interested way. I think that is the point. Like if I was in a gay bar and there were a load of femmes, I might think they were straight and if I was interested I wouldn't feel able to approach them. Unless it was obvious one was interested!
"One day people will realize that there are more walls around themselves than anywhere in the world and when they come down the real walls will fall too."

Mark Ashton

Offline Destined4Hades

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #29 on: Nov 26, 2013, 09:16:44 PM »
Hades what you say us true. But it is more for recognition so approaches can be made. If femmes are read as straight then other women won't approach them in an interested way. I think that is the point. Like if I was in a gay bar and there were a load of femmes, I might think they were straight and if I was interested I wouldn't feel able to approach them. Unless it was obvious one was interested!

Ah, so these invisible femmes are waiting to be approached in gay bars?

Honey, everyone's waiting to be approached in gay bars  ;) I'd recommend approaching those 'loads of femmes', being witty and charming and un-threatening and friendly. The worst thing that can happen is they drop a 'boyfriend' into the conversation, right?! I mean they are hardly going to be all precious about being approached by a woman if they are in a gay bar.

Hmm maybe Uncle Hades should resurrect her matchmaking thread, if there is a need  ;D

hades x