Author Topic: Femme invisibility  (Read 19702 times)

Offline Stevie

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Femme invisibility
« on: Jun 16, 2013, 10:46:05 PM »
How do you cope with being invisible ? I have some femme friends who hate this as it really frustrates them.

Maybe Stevie already is everybody's ex?

kerfufflegoblin

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #1 on: Jun 16, 2013, 11:12:26 PM »
I joined a group that specifically aims to combat the invisibility some women feel. They decided to make it invite only because before they did, they wound up with a bunch of guys who'd set up profiles with women's photos attempting to join and they got hacked off about it.

It's not as bad in London because obviously there is a bigger lesbian population, but it's still tricky in places which are mixed gay/lesbian (cos we get pegged as straight women mates with gay men) or places like SBS where occasionally lesbians assume you've wandered over to the lezzers by accident.

I have been known to throw utter tantrums on the subject. laziest way to reduce invisibility is to dress down and hang around with either extremely well known lesbians who can confirm your identity to passers by or to bedeck yourself in lesbian symbols (I had an array of earrings and bangles at one point)

Offline Stevie

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #2 on: Jun 16, 2013, 11:15:42 PM »
Femme invisibility is like all Butches being expected to have a sex change because their Butch,

Not fair, frustrating and tiresome.

I bet it's a continual struggle no ?
Maybe Stevie already is everybody's ex?

kerfufflegoblin

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #3 on: Jun 16, 2013, 11:19:40 PM »
yep, particularly if other people go "I don't experience this, whatcha on about?" Then you feel invisible AND paranoid. It's kinda crazy and I don't really understand the effort behind it. Your identity doesn't impact mine, mine doesn't impact yours. Let us all have a nice pint of cider together.

Offline Stevie

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #4 on: Jun 16, 2013, 11:24:14 PM »
If only it was so easy 😶
Maybe Stevie already is everybody's ex?

kerfufflegoblin

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #5 on: Jun 16, 2013, 11:25:29 PM »
It is, everyone just needs to accept that they simply must do what I tell them. They'll come round eventually.

Offline Stevie

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #6 on: Jun 16, 2013, 11:28:13 PM »
^ 😉
Maybe Stevie already is everybody's ex?

Honeybabs

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #7 on: Jun 17, 2013, 12:12:53 AM »
yep, particularly if other people go "I don't experience this, whatcha on about?" Then you feel invisible AND paranoid. It's kinda crazy and I don't really understand the effort behind it. Your identity doesn't impact mine, mine doesn't impact yours. Let us all have a nice pint of cider together.

^ that.

It's not really anything I talk about much anymore unless I've just dealt with a big mouthful of it.

Offline sally33

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #8 on: Jun 17, 2013, 10:45:36 AM »
How do you cope with being invisible ? I have some femme friends who hate this as it really frustrates them.

Yes but on the plus side there is the surprise value when you do come out to people and the common assumption - that all girly women choose to be with men - gets challenged.  I do enjoy that moment. 
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” ~ William Gibson

Offline ella

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #9 on: Jun 18, 2013, 08:38:54 PM »
Stevie!!.. Yes defo..feels like I'm wearing my cloak on a daily basis  ::)...so dull  :-\

Offline Stevie

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #10 on: Jun 19, 2013, 08:17:34 AM »
Exasperating !

Maybe Stevie already is everybody's ex?

Offline ella

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #11 on: Jun 20, 2013, 11:32:00 AM »
^...Hmmm Stevie ...think my cloak was working when we met some years ago  ;D :P

Offline Jenny Talia

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #12 on: Jun 20, 2013, 08:06:35 PM »
I remember some scene lesbian assuming my gf (at the time) was gay and I was bi. I lost my rag at her for that. I mean she'd based this almost entirely on the length of my hair, despite the fact that her hair was almost as long. For some reason her hair was gay and mine was suspect. She avoided me after that for almost a year.
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Offline Guineapig

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #13 on: Jun 20, 2013, 08:13:26 PM »
She was using her Hairdar  ;D
Btw, how you doing? X
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Honeybabs

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Re: Femme invisibility
« Reply #14 on: Jun 20, 2013, 11:59:55 PM »
My Hair Is More Gay Than Yours

is something I'm going to say to someone, one day.