Author Topic: Bi, pan, lesbian or something else?  (Read 3984 times)

Honeybabs

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Re: Bi, pan, lesbian or something else?
« Reply #15 on: Jun 15, 2013, 12:50:30 PM »
pansexual was coined by those who were into men, women, transgender/gender queer. so into more than just two genders. I found in Toronto it was starting to be used by heteroflexibles in play clubs. which was misleading. we used to joke that the pansexual (all sexualities welcome) play clubs were 75% straight, 15% heterofelxible, 5% bisexual, 3% lez/gay, 2% pansexual. What it meant was guys would come up and sex pest you to be your coffee table without even asking if you were dominant or into men.

Irritating.

Offline Night Nurse

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Re: Bi, pan, lesbian or something else?
« Reply #16 on: Jun 15, 2013, 02:19:27 PM »
I had so many conversations about this when I became engaged.  Suddenly I had people asking me, 'So what does this make you now?', and I had absolutely no idea.  Was I still gay?  Was I bisexual?  Can you be bisexual if you still feel like a lesbian?  Can you call yourself lesbian if you're married to a man?  It was made worse by the fact that there was a label out there that fit my situation beautifully - Queer - only I hated it.  Yuk yuk yuk.  I couldn't tell you why I hated queer but I just do. 

Eventually I remembered that it didn't matter what you called yourself, as labels are just preferences, not absolutes.  I didn't automatically start questioning my friends preferences when they showed interest in a man or lost their gold star, so why did I feel the need to agonise over mine? I fell in love with a person who made me happy, but that happiness did not inherently change my sexual preferences.  I can still be a lesbian inside, only now I am also socially bisexual. 

I'm a lot more chilled about the who thing now, I'm even relatively comfortable with the whole queer thing.  If we judged every LGBT girl out there who was sexually flexible we'd spend all of our days judging people rather than getting to know them.  I only have to jump on Facebook to remind myself of that.  Only the other day I chased up an old friend only to realise she's now hooked up with a boy!  I'm pleased for her as she seems happy and I was never a fan of her ex-gf.

I really like this post. Thanks JT.
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Offline sherbert

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Re: Bi, pan, lesbian or something else?
« Reply #17 on: Jun 18, 2013, 11:40:19 PM »
I define myself as bi and not wanting a relationship with either sex
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Offline Frugalmeister

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Re: Bi, pan, lesbian or something else?
« Reply #18 on: Aug 01, 2013, 01:25:22 AM »
Hey All,

Gosh, I'm enjoying reading all these posts! Haven't read them all in depth yet, as not often on here these days, but it's kind of a relief for me in my situation.

I posted a message sometime last year, in, I think, Chilled, Mature and Deep, about being in a relationship with a man for the first time. I'd been 100% lesbian all my adult life and it was quite a surprise. I was happy enough, but did feel the need for a tiny bit of support, as I found the dynamics of the male/female relationship to be quite different. This may not be everyone's experience, of course.

Was pretty upset by some of the comments my post received from GB members who were clearly not fond of bi's (despite stating that I didn't categorise myself as anything at that point)  Luckily there were some supportive messages too! I retreated somewhat as couldn't handle the unpleasantness.

Anyway, back to reading all the posts....I'm learning a lot  :)


Offline Frugalmeister

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Re: More than lesbian but less than bi?
« Reply #19 on: Aug 01, 2013, 01:31:16 AM »
Do you have to ID, Wongy? (I don't know how to type that so it reads gently; I mean it gently.) Not all of us do. Sometimes my ID of choice is just "not straight."

I tend to be more attracted to one gender than the other, yes. (And sometimes to people who don't ID as having a gender.) I reckon the biggest thing is allowing that and getting comfortable with one's self and one's inclinations. What anyone else thinks is their own business.


I tend to do the same as Bizroute these days, I simply ID as "not straight".  Because there really is no box/category/pigeon hole I want to clamber into. One day I may have to clamber out again and by then the rope ladder may have frayed  ;)