I haven't had the guts to ask this before so thank you to everyone that made this section happen
Basically I love, adore, crush on cis-women regularly. With only cis-females in my life forever I would probably be happy.
However I also find myself attracted to some trans* people and once in a blue moon the odd cis-man. I can't quantify exactly what I go for because I don't know and as such have always just been as lesbian.
It was easy to come out as a lesbian because it's 'neat' and saves explaining to guys why I just don't like them. I like effeminate people generally and most guys just don't twinge anything (other than my final nerve normally). Also the general guy odour is faintly revolting a lot of the time but the odd one, at a blue moon, sets me off and I think they smell nice.
I would also feel fraud-like if I IDed as pan because I just don't feel that attracted to everyone. I feel like I'm being picky and should just stick to women because that way noone else gets confused.
I'm not asking to be IDed as such but wonder whether anyone else finds they're more one way than the other and if others of you have hidden away that side? I will admit to hiding it from the scary lesbians that think you're wrong if you're not gold star :/
I don't think you're at all unusual in this, Wongy.
Generally I think sexual identity labels are only useful indicators, there's almost always some small print. Often quite a lot.
It's not your responsibility to stop other people being "confused". What's it to them, anyway?
I don't think the term "pan" means you have to be attracted to *everybody*; you can refine your interpretation of it to suit yourself.
The interpretation of "bisexual" that I find most useful is this one: I can be
attracted to people of the same gender ID as me and people of other gender IDs. For me, that covers it nicely. It doesn't mean I fancy *everyone* or that I think the only kinds of people in the world are men and women.
Maybe I'm just really lucky but I know a lot of lesbians, including many who are "gold star" themselves, and the vast majority have been nothing but supportive of my choices.
In my experience, it's worth being open (tho you don't need to announce all your small print) if you can. I'm always so delighted when I say I'm bi and the person I'm talking to suddenly blossoms and says, "Oh, me too!" or just carries on as if nothing's changed but starts saying "lesbian and bi" instead of just "lesbian" (unless they mean just lesbian, of course). It's like a light coming on in the room, for me.