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In Depth or in Distraction => Creativity Section => Topic started by: Xof the Elder on Apr 09, 2017, 09:48:57 PM

Title: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 09, 2017, 09:48:57 PM
Dear Diary

I intend to keep a diary, safe here on Gingerbeer where no one is anymore so it's highly unlikely to be discovered. I will record my dream, my hopes, my fears, and all my most intimate thoughts about myself and other people on Gingerbeer who i'm just meeting now  :D

So, today, I saw a mouse.

I also developed a crush on Hillary Clinton after finding out she is my perfect match as I am, apparently, with up to 88% certainty, just like Bill Clinton. I am happy with this comparison and find it apt. He cries and is overly sentimental, that's me. He's also a incorrigible womanizer (with a z) which is where we differ.

I walked 12k only yesterday with Muffin who is letting me down with her short legs and intolerance to the heat and begs to be carried often.

I wrote today to Laurie Dennett and reviewed her book on Amazon, it's out of print now so all I'm doing is helping the second hand book sellers of Amazon who I heard on good authority steal these books from libraries.

Today I like myself: 8/10 - despite eating a whole pack of waitrose sausages (but nothing else) for dinner.
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 09, 2017, 10:06:49 PM
"Topic: Xof's diary - keep out - private  (Read 15 times)"

 >:(
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 11, 2017, 07:59:16 AM
Dear Diary,

Something is about to happen! Things are moving! My eyes have started to transform the buildings of where I am into the buildings of where I want to be. As I passed some eyesore or other on the way past East Putney it morphed quite perfectly into the fort at Cizor Menor. These transformations have never been scary only comforting; fore knowing. Strange though, as I plan to start my 4th pilgrimage in Hospital de Orbigo. Perhaps I'm getting the heave-ho! That changes things.

My dreams continue to soothe and torment me in equal measures. I miss her. All hers. All their energies good and bad amalgamated into one energetic night apparition! Was it my fault, is it their fault, am I too god for her, was I all along? Does that even make sense? Probably not, but the ego needs some oxygen god knows she's been starved lately.

There's a party tonight - my drinking is the office joke, at least it's an identity of sorts! Dulls the toothache.

That's my stop then.

Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 13, 2017, 06:51:07 PM
Dear Diary!

New trekking poles arrived today and they smell beautiful.

I'm all booked up, holiday granted and heading from Leon>Finisterre via Muxia - How exciting! This time I'll try and stay alone through the walk and develop my maturity levels as they clearly need work.

four day weekend - chance to practise - hiking and growing in maturity.
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 14, 2017, 07:36:02 AM
Dear Diary

Muffin has the trots. This means she sleeps a lot of the day and then wants to play at night. I've been awake since 5.50 as that's when she wanted to go outside and bark, it's a bank holiday. Better than that it's Good Friday, which, when I finally got round to reading the bible, turns out is not good at all but a quite horrible day :( I haven't been to communion since January.

I've been offered a role at FB. I've never worked for a really large company before as I always failed their psyche tests - whatever these companies are usually looking for - it wasn't me! Could I work my way up Facebook, can I be a smaller fish in a massive pond, can I get out Pom-Poms and rah-rah for a brand, slap on the t-shirt, why has that bothered me so much? Just because I didn't invent it doesn't mean I can't support it - it has meant that.

Oh - could this be an opportunity to 'grow in maturity' as Berdache has pointed out?

I do like Sheryl, all Sheryls actually.
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 19, 2017, 09:17:54 PM
Dear Fairy,

What are your real priorities? You can work it out with your brain or you can self sabotage your way to the answers. We all know option 2 is the only one you have access to. Improve immediately.

Today I ate a really beautiful apple. It was striped like a tiger in red and silver.

Google paid for my lunch today at Mustard. I had sausages - I added Mustard. What was the choice really? I am very open to suggestion.

I'm enjoying sausages more and more - ever since that sausage on shaftsbury avenue - German cuisine and Russian cuisine are becoming favourites.

Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 22, 2017, 10:09:23 PM
I've realised why I've felt so incredibly depressed over the last 9 months. Why everything has felt so grey, like I'm living shades of life, why I've felt so completely hopeless, lost, listless - without a reason for living, direction-less. This sounds crazy but... I think the reason for all this sadness is that, in actual fact, I'm in love and crazier still, I'm only just realising this!

Not the kind of love anyone here will understand or find acceptable, but I think it is an actual love.

I miss her, I miss her light and warmth, her passion and her unpredictability, the way that nothing is ever bland with her, food and wine tastes better in her company, the rain comes never in a drizzle, but when it comes, comes in a torrent and soaks me to the skin - she's full of extremes, arousing and sensual; she radiates colour into my life and lifts up my soul. Just thinking about her arouses me and awakens a deep longing, a longing to go back. I regretted leaving before I left.

I'm in love with a place. I'm in love with how that place makes me feel, what she offers up to my senses on a daily basis. My depression has lasted almost as long as I've been away from her. London has cast a dark shadow over my day-to-day. It's become more and more difficult to breath, to pull myself out of bed each morning knowing that every day is going to be exactly the same, to trudge past miserable people on the way to a tube that's crowded before it sets off and work 10 hours in a grey building under a grey sky.

Understanding this and resolving to return to her, to my Spain, has immediately lifted the grey cloud that I worried had surely trapped me forever.

#I went someplace - and every day I woke up in that place and I told myself ‘I’m alive’ and I was. In some ways more than I've ever been. You know, a barman once told me that you know when you're alive because you can feel and you know when you're not because you don’t feel anything.#
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: hellohowareyoutoday on Apr 22, 2017, 11:07:25 PM
¿Dónde está la biblioteca? Me llamo Nacho.
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 23, 2017, 10:17:52 AM
¿Dónde está la biblioteca? Me llamo Nacho.

I'm weak at the knees!  :D
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Azalea on Apr 23, 2017, 10:26:41 PM
I'm sure loads of people feel like this when they come back from holiday/travels but don't act on it because it's not the done thing, you're supposed to just get on with real life. So good for you if you do go back and at least give it a go. How long were you in Spain and what were you doing? A lot of your happy memories might be caught up with what you were doing and who you were with at the time rather than the place but the only way to find out is to go back. You can do a Shirley Valentine and cook chips & egg for Brits  ;D

I feel the same about London and really need to move out, not sure where to though. Canada or NZ would be nice. I wish I had a 'useful occupation' like nursing or auditing that meant countries would fall over themselves to give me a visa!
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 23, 2017, 10:42:10 PM
Hi Azalea

In total I've lived in Barcelona, on and off, for 5 years, I came back in August 2016 after being there for another 2 years.

I don't have a love affair to assign to Barcelona to be looking through rose tinted glasses, at least not ones I'd want to remember.

Just feel like if you're going to live your life, why not live it in warmth, passion and beauty, not freezing your tits off in an overpriced rat-run.

Don't sit on the fence xoffie  :D
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: hellohowareyoutoday on Apr 24, 2017, 12:50:55 AM

¿Es posible emigrar allí permanentemente?

En esta thread, voy a hablar en el español solamente.
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 24, 2017, 07:15:18 AM
Es posible - pero necesito un trabajo. yo contractado un profesor de español para mejorar mi manera de hablar.

Nada es imposible si lo quieres.

Sueno como marty mcfly.
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Earl on Apr 24, 2017, 09:25:03 PM

Nada es imposible si lo quieres.


Que? Nada?
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 24, 2017, 09:48:33 PM

Nada es imposible si lo quieres.


Que? Nada?

Si nada. ¿Quieres una copa de gazpacho?
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: hellohowareyoutoday on Apr 25, 2017, 12:25:49 AM
Creo que hay mucho en la vida que no es posible. Quizás no absolutamente imposible, pero muy improbable. ¿Voy a ver un pato con tres cabezas en la próxima hora? Lo dudo, pero nunca digas nunca.
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 25, 2017, 07:07:21 PM
¿Voy a ver un pato con tres cabezas en la próxima hora?

No lo has visto?

Yo veo patos, todo dia de la semana - en mi cabeza - veces con tres cabezas, veces con quatro. Tu mundo es pequeno, muy pequeno, y mi espanol es menor, demasiado joven para esto conversacion!

¿Quieres una copa de gazpacho?
¿Quieres una copa de cerveza?
¿Quieres una copa de vino?

El árbol duolingo es sólo bueno para esto! Pero muy divertido!
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: hellohowareyoutoday on Apr 25, 2017, 07:51:42 PM
Duolingo me dice siempre, "Los niños comen manzanas."

¿Por qué, Duolingito? ¿Por qué comen manzanas esos niños?

Los patos es una referencia a Duolingo también.  :D
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Apr 25, 2017, 10:14:46 PM
Mi frase favorita es 'tu necisitas un hombre' y 'mi jefe es una persona positiva' o tal vez... yo quiero mas zanahorias y hongas en mi ensalada - Quien quiere eso ... nunca?

Que hizo despues de duolingo para mejorar mas? Tengo un professor de lingoda los miercoles. Espero llegar al nivel B2 (puedo sonar!) pero los verbos son ridiculos  :(
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: hellohowareyoutoday on Apr 26, 2017, 03:37:14 AM
Sí. ¿Más lechuga? Quizás. ¿Más tomate o aceite de oliva? Yo entiendo. ¿Más zanahorias? No, gracias, señorita.

Hablas español muy bien. Mi abilidad no es excelent como tuyo. Soy beginner-intermediate, pero me gustaría mejorar en el futuro.

Hice tres clases en la universidad hace dos años. Creo que el secreto es la oportunidad practicar con personas latinas/hispanicas frencuentemente. No tengo esta oportunidad. Yo conozco a los gringos solamente.

Puedes lograrlo.


Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on May 12, 2017, 06:26:33 PM
Asi, esta entrada puede ser un poco dificil, porque, a pesar de aprender mucho mas espanol, yo no puedo crear el pasado correctamento. Vale. Lo intento!

Mi vida sigue a mezcla el fiction de Almodovar, muchos mujeres, muchos maletas y todas de aquellas desaparecio. La vida mamarracha!  Tu sabes cuanto cuestan las maletas buenas? Mucho dinero, y yo, no puedo pagarlo! En que mundo viven? Un mundo donde las maletas son gratis? Claro! Que maravilloso! lo siento guapas pero necesito mis maletas! Tu sabe con que frecuencia yo cambio de paises? No solo una!

En otras noticias, hay razones para ser feliz. Soy mas guapo que nunca. Estoy envejeciendo como George Clooney y no Boy George. Siempre me preocupe de que mi buena apariencia no durara. Quizas me convertiria de esas viejas y feas lesbianas, pero no. Mi personalidad en espanol es  la de un transexual antiguo dramatico, todavia, quiza este es el auténtico yo ...finalmente.
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: hellohowareyoutoday on May 12, 2017, 09:29:18 PM
¡Ay Bendito! Necesito el google translate, yo pienso.
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on May 13, 2017, 10:57:26 PM
I was watching a film today in which the protagonist is in a bar when a song comes on the TV and the singer sings about how mistakes are always doomed to repeat again and again and that people in love never learn their lesson. This isn't a topic about love (though it could be!) but actually about synchronicities and how the universe seems to continually present a lesson again and again, bringing it to light in your waking life over and over until you notice it and hopefully learn from it. Then it brings you another.

I've learnt a few lessons this way (don't do things for people in hope of any return was a favourite recent one as well as learning not to covet stuff - though this has made me very directionless and I wonder why I work at all) but one that's currently on my life lesson table is around being true to yourself even in (especially in!) fear of losing something, whether that's telling a boss that you don't appreciate his tone, and defending yourself, not bending over backwards for family/friends who have done nothing for you (or even let you down) because you don't want to disappoint them/scared of losing love and acceptance - I feel that i'm on the cusp of learning this one and it really could change everything!

Imagine living fearlessly, not aggressively or recklessly, but putting your truth and integrity ahead of any consequences. That's how some people already live - unfortunately my life up until now hadn't provided for that. I'm excited at the possibility!
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on May 29, 2017, 12:16:26 PM
Following on from my 'primary question' thread - today I noticed myself becoming annoyed at the slowness of the barista at Costa in Wimbledon. I'm fairly sure he's new. So, I changed my mindset and decided to see this as an opportunity to improve the strength of my legs and contribute to his feeling of non judgement in how slowness (ha! See how hard it can be!)

However, as always, was worth the wait due to overhearing a conversation between an old woman and her son discussing moving to the South Downs and their dilemma over one particular property as it was 'miles from a Waitrose' when the son questioned her the elderly woman snapped 'people have to eat you know'. Ticked me anyway :)

Let's see if I can last the day looking for grace in every situation - certainly adds to your happiness if you can!
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Jun 10, 2017, 01:12:42 PM
Thems were a busy 10 days!

Feel like rejecting the job offer in Spain and deciding to just stay put instead of running away for the nth time was a moment of growth, a turning point for me. I'm just too tired to pick up and move again and I've never felt that way - that the grass was maybe greener exactly where I am. Sure, my job is difficult and my boss is an arse but that's the same wherever you go. Its summer. There's even a little love in the air which has been so sadly missed for so long. Things are a'right

Plus - 10 days until I'm away on Camino. I clearly am just a glutton for punishment. Every time I go I forget the tendonitis and the hell climb up O Cebreiro but its amazing, like giving your eyes and soul a bath - even if the body aches beyond anything you've ever known!

I haven't really understood why I'm walking for the 4th time and have looked and looked to try to see how this was about something to do with me. I'm not sure it is anymore. Not directly. The people you meet on camino, aside from the 18 y.o.'s who are there for a piss up, tend to be incredible people, no, they're normal people, overcoming incredible obstacles - and that makes them amazing people and I like being in a lineup of inspiring people, pushing themselves in the physical to find the spiritual. These are not separate things - mind AND body AND spirit. All must find balance.

Being a comfort weasel is probably the most soul-destroying and pathetic way to live life and a sure fire way to learn nothing and achieve the same.
(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/41FxHHhDjdL.jpg)
Title: Re: Xof's diary - keep out - private
Post by: Xof the Elder on Jun 15, 2017, 10:03:43 AM
Did I make it well enough known that I am related to Cheryl Fajita Vagina?

Does it tell much?

Apart from great looks, joddie-ness, criminal records for battery?

Lots to be said for genes. Lots.