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Let's Talk About... => The Vault => Topic started by: Jaxx37 on Dec 09, 2016, 05:16:01 PM
Hi folks, I've never posted in this part of GB before but I think this is the right place.
I was recently chatting to some friends and the subject of porn came up, as it does, we ended up discussing whether or not watching porn alone while in a serious long term relationship is cheating. One of my friends is adamant that it is, others say it depends. Was just wondering what people think - is it cheating? Or does it depend on circumstances?
I have no interest in porn and am mostly anti-it (as it stands today - I'm not against it in theory), but I can not see how it could be considered cheating. Would they think the same about it if it were the written word I wonder? What about private fantasies and wanking?
That's something we discussed, my friend said it's the idea of actually seeing another in that sexual way as if your partner isn't enough. I don't tend to watch it much but I do occasionally and never considered it cheating but now I'm wondering if it could be. Maybe it depends how open you are about it.
There's no involvement whatsoever. Not even communication. It's fantasy. In fantasy anything goes. It's when a person steps outside fantasy that negotiation begins. The porn industry is a problem (mostly), but in itself porn is just a fantasy aid, imo.
Assuming it's not resulting is negative/disrespectful behaviour in the relationship
I think that being accused of cheating for watching porn alone or wanking is very controlling on the part of the accuser
No, of course it's not cheating.
It might be indicative of other problems in the relationship, but that's a separate issue.
I would certainly be concerned if a partner of mine was that bothered by my occasional (imo harmless) use of porn.
What about films - any nudity - sex scenes - etc?
It's not cheating.
As has been said sex scenes in films? That must also constitute cheating if watching porn does.
If I 'catch' a partner watching porn. It turns me on, I want to get involved and it almost always leads to us having sex.
Likewise sometimes I try to get caught watching porn by my partner...as the leads to an extra special punishment!
My apologies, I know I kind of dropped this after starting the thread, I haven't been back online until now.
I asked my friend about the whole sex scenes/nudity in movies vs. porn scenario, she said that it's more the intention that she objects to - the fact that when you watch a porn movie your intention is to masturbate or otherwise pleasure yourself and you will have an attraction to the person/persons onscreen whereas if it's a sex scene in a movie you're likely not watching that movie because of that particular scene, it's not part of the pleasure of watching it. I think for her it's more to do with the fact that if her partner were to spend their time watching porn, they are getting their sexual desires satisfied in a way that somehow involves someone else - the porn star in question.
I did ask her if she feels that masturbation is cheating since that's basically the same thing - you're fantasising about someone/something that isn't necessarily your partner, but she told me that was daft and it's not the same thing at all.
Personally I don't see anything wrong with it, as long as it's not taking over the relationship and the porn itself isn't something that has caused harm to the people involved. In fact until I had this conversation I thought everyone of my generation watched it to some degree! Turns out they don't.
I can imagine cases where their partner's intense engagement with porn could make someone feel a bit weird / pissed off, especially if it was done 'in secret'.
Like everything else I think it's up for discussion in a relationship. People would have different responses.
I think if it becomes an obsession, then it is in some way not being quite faithful. But not in the physical sense, rather more behavioural/emotional. As if it becomes regular and your not both involved then is it taking the partners place?....
It's clearly not cheating! Your friend is bonkers and shouldn't be allowed opinions if they're going to be so redonkulos.
Many a time I can't be arsed and porn has allowed me to go to sleep and temporarily halted the sniffling and crying of my girlfriends. It's also cheaper than a blow up doll.