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In Depth or in Distraction => Identity Matters => Topic started by: Elina on Oct 05, 2016, 10:07:47 PM
I was thinking the other day that it's a shame I don't know anyone who feels like me, it would have been fun to have someone to compare with... Then I remembered Gingerbeer! :)
I am bi, and have been fairly girly all my life. I'm now in my mid-thirties, and the older I get, the more comfortable I get with allowing my masculine sides to show. I used to avoid any body language/looks that were too "manly", since I, like all women, I assume, had been thought they were unattractive.
Lately I am embracing my more masculine sides, though. I have cut my hair short. I allow myself to stand and walk in more "butch" ways (not necessarily crossing my legs when sitting down, or just stand with my hands in my pockets and my legs apart, for example! These are probably silly things, but I have been aware of them all my life and worked hard on a "female" body language, so it is a big thing to me!). I tried a drag king makeover and LOVED it, and would now love to try packing or letting my facial hair grow (as a dark-haired woman I think I could work up a respectable moustache if I just stopped plucking it!).
I guess I just wanted to hear if anyone else feels like this... I try to invite my friends along to the FMAS at the RVT, or Drag King contests, but none of them are really into it!
Also, looking in the mirror these days, since I stopped wearing make up, dresses and long hair, I sometimes wish I didn't have to do this change. I just looked... prettier in make up and dresses. I didn't really look like myself - I feel a lot more like myself these days - but I looked better. Hm. If that makes sense.
Anyway, if anyone feels similar, I'd love to discuss!
Totally not related to what you have written really, but i have some trannie friends, who wax and hide their hair and 'maleness' like mad. It really is a strange world at times isnt it!
Personally im quite a masculine woman (behaviour and interests) but im still very feminine. Always make up etc. I have found though since i have started approaching the menopause, that my 'masculine' ways have dropped somewhat. My testosterone levels are very very low now, so im wondering if that is what has done it.
Hi Elina, saw your post when you wrote and thought of replying but somehow left it.
I'm a bit similar to you, just the polar opposite. I was very bloke, butch if you want, in behaviour, style, clothes, choice of work, everything. Until I hit about 35 and swung over to the feminine side! Mind you, I was feminine in my teens, too, and a tomboy as a child.
What to read into it? Not sure if it's all that important, I'm quite happy being what and how I am. The recognition of this gender role shift happening has given me a lot of freedom. Now I do the shift overnight (or at lunch) if I feel like it and that's that, don't feel the need to conform to either.
But you're right I haven't come across a conversation about a 'switch-identity', so glad to see your post.
Vickilipstick is it that you are thinking that it is strange that we cannot be happy out in the open how we are but need to hide it and pretend we are something else?
The only thing that concerned me a bit with the original post was the part at the end where you're saying you wish you didn't have to do this change. I was just wondering why you felt you had to do it - but if you feel a lot more like yourself that sounds truly good.
I kind of relate to the shifting in terms of appearance not gender, and I think that's part of why I don't ID as femme, butch, or any other descriptor and never really have - although, as other people have said, there's a lot more to it than outward appearance, I do feel it's a part of it.
For me it's more to do with wearing what I feel comfortable in, in that given day/moment.